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Arby's Bacon Cheddar Roastburger

Arby's Bacon Cheddar Roastburger
For receiving the label of 'burger', Arby's Roastburgers are some interesting creatures. The beef is still there, it's just a bit reconfigured. I guess if there's one thing you can say about Arby's, it's that they love thinly slicing their ingredients.
Reviewer
John
Categories
Food & Drink
Reviewed by John Hoy
Arby's Bacon Cheddar Roastburger
After dropping some trash at an Arby's on my long journey on the road from Florida to Illinois, I noticed a large sign advertising the Bacon Cheddar Roastburger. I hopped back into the car and sped around toward the drive thru. They took my order for the Bacon Cheddar Roastburger meal. I received the food and pulled out the mammoth sandwich from its American spirited, red, white, and blue box. It was a picture perfect representation of how it looked in the ads, and I couldn't wait to take a bite out of it.

The initial flavor shocked my taste buds; this is not your typical, run-of-the-mill burger. The condiments included crispy bacon, melted cheddar cheese, fresh rings of Vidalia onion, a slice of tomato, and crunchy shredded lettuce, all on top of Arby's famous Roast Beef, which was moist and juicy. But what really blew me away was the Kaiser roll, which had a lacquered appearance, but surprisingly was soft and bakery fresh. It's a unique twist on what Arby's has been offering up lately. Arby's offers the sandwich in additional flavors, three of which our friends at GrubGrade have reviewed: Bacon & Bleu, All American, BBQ Bacon, BBQ Bacon Cheddar, and Jalapeño BBQ. I can only imagine that they're as mouth watering as this one was. Whether you're an Arby's aficionado, or an occasional patron, you're probably going to love this.

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Drank Anti-Energy Drink

Anti-Energy Drank
Energy drinks have never really been my thing, but hell, I dunno anyone who wouldn't be into an Anti-Energy drink. Especially a grape one. How could they have gotten that combination any better? Grape plus Relaxed equalszzzzzzzzzzzz....
Reviewer
Kaitis
Categories
Food & Drink
Reviewed by Michael Kaitis
Drank Anti-Energy Drink
So if you’ve ever taken the time to read the About page, you’d know that WRS was formed on just the basic idea of reviewing only energy drinks, and as you can see our ideas grew. Luckily, we’re not the only ones coming up with new ideas. Have you ever heard of an anti-energy drink? Neither had I, but thanks to the great people at the company, I had a few cans in the mail for me! The drinks may have been free, but I assure you the product won me over enough that I almost feel bad I didn’t buy it.

Being from Florida, a self proclaimed “Relaxed Lifestyle Beverage” is something I can totally get behind. The fact that my house is conveniently located about an hour away from several beaches could be attributed to that also, but my distaste for alcohol is something that doesn’t really fit in with the local crowd. Call my taste buds crazy, but the only thing I prefer burning my throat is some nice spicy food. But a drink that tastes good, has no alcohol, and chills you out? Almost sounds too good to be true. Which is exactly what I thought.

Using a select blend of chemicals that would make Alexander Shulgin proud, the crew mixed Melatonin, Valerian Root, and Rose Hips to make a sedative brew that basically tastes like Grape Sprite. Yes, Grape Sprite. The drink has a very obvious and distinct grape smell, with the natural root bitterness giving it a taste that comes very close to matching a citrus taste. This flavor combination was way better tasting than I was expecting, and in comparison makes just about any energy drink have a noticeably bad aftertaste. It’s ligher in carbonation than most soda, and way easier to drink. I can’t even say anything bad about drinking it, except for maybe the fact that the can does eventually run out of liquid.

The infamous “Slow Your Roll” sedation part is mild, but noticeable and is quite nice while I’m sitting in bed writing this. I feel slightly like I just woke up, but with total control of when I could go to sleep. I wouldn’t recommend you drink this first thing in the morning, because it’s about four hours before I usually go to sleep, and if all the lights were off, I’d be out real soon. Although, if I was out on the beach, maybe on a lounge chair, you can forget Corona, just get me a Drank.

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Uncrustables Grilled Cheese Sandwiches

Uncrustable Grilled Cheese
The Grilled Cheese sandwich is a legendary combination of ingredients, for me at least. It's quick, delicious, and bad for you, just like all good food. Even better, Smucker's has made it even quicker, just as delicious, and probably worse for you!
Reviewer
Brad
Categories
Food & Drink
Reviewed by Brad Cook
Smucker's Uncrustables Grilled Cheese Sandwiches
I thought Uncrustables were quite the novel idea when I was first exposed to them. By "exposed to them", I refer to the time that I was taken hostage by terrorists, gagged and tied up naked, and fed only Uncrustables Peanut Butter and Jelly UFOs in a dank, stone-walled cell for three weeks, until Marvo ended up building his Iron Man suit in his workshop in Hawaii. Busted the whole place up, killed the terrorists, and flew me a thousand miles to safety. Such a nice fella. But that's another story for another time.

So the PB and Js are great, everyone knows that. But when you move into cheese territory with a frozen item, let alone the revered Grilled Cheese, it usually becomes a bit harder to pull off correctly. For a variety of reasons.

When one first unwraps an Uncrustables Grilled Cheese "sandwich", the first thing one notices is that it actually looks grilled; it looks like they took a torch and just lit it up for a few seconds on each side. Each item comes with a Hot Pockets-esque device to slip the item into, which apparently makes it not soggy and fall-apart-y. Once you've safely inserted the item into the crisper, you put that thing in the microwave. But for how long? Here's where it gets sticky (just kidding, it gets sticky when you take it out). The folks at Uncrustables were kind enough to include microwaving directions on each individual item. But we all know that half the time, the directions on the box aren't even valid, unless you want some sort of deformed, burnt, dripping-out-the-sides edible. In this particular case, the box says 35 - 60 seconds on HIGH. Now, I tried a different heating variation for each one of the eight items that came in the box. I tried it for 60 seconds on high, and this is what came out. I tried it on 30 seconds on high, and it wasn't enough, but further, it made some parts too hot, while the middle stayed relatively cold. 45 seconds on high is adequate, but you'll end up with a superheated snack that will take a good amount of time to cool off. I've found that a minute on power 6, or 45 seconds on power 8 both produce pretty desirable results; the cheese is thoroughly cooked, the bread gets crisped, yet no cheese spills out, and it's practically ready to eat right when it comes out.

Now, it doesn't matter how long or short it takes to cook if it tastes bad. And frozen cheese has a history of tasting fake, rubbery, strange, bland, and so on. The cheese in these Uncrustables, however, is utterly fantastic. It tastes like a melted fresh deli slice of American cheese, but a bit more buttery and, depending on how long you heat it up, interestingly textured. If you heat it up just enough to get the whole thing melted, the cheese feels like what you'd get on a McDonald's burger or something; a bit thick feeling, yet vaguely melty. The opposite end of this spectrum is what you'll get if you heat it up for a minute on high - runny, melty, burningly delicious. The cheese is much tangier than I expected, very much the opposite of the bland taste I was sure these would contain.

The only real problem I have with these, and it's not really even a problem, given that you get 7 more in the pack after eating the first, is that they're not very filling. But then again, I guess you wouldn't really expect them to be. Aside from that, these things are fantastic. They do make a perfect snack that takes almost no time to make, they're delicious, they're super portable, and they'll give ya some nostalgia if you loved grilled cheese sandwiches as a kid like I did. I really can't think of any way someone could produce a better frozen grilled cheese.

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Art Style: PiCTOBiTS

Pictobits DSi
From what I can tell, Art Style: PiCTOBiTS for the DSi is kinda like Tetris + "Let the Beat Build" from Lil Wayne. As you progress, you both start to form an image of a character on the top screen, and gain additional layers to the song for that stage.
Reviewer
David
Categories
Games
Reviewed by David Woolridge
Art Style: PICTOBITS
Well, hello again! David/Kavi here with yet another review. Now, I'm almost as much of a puzzle lover as the next guy, but if you're looking for something different in the puzzle genre or just something to waste some time on your shiny new DSi, then this game easily takes the cake. From the fine folks on the Art Style team comes a whole new way to look at classic masterpieces: PiCTOBiTS!

In Art Style: PiCTOBiTS, you have but one goal: using square, colored pixels, called "Bits" to make 2x2 blocks, lines of 4 or whatever shape you feel is necessary with falling groups of Bits, called "Megabits", and clear them away, sending them to the top screen to recreate a character or two from classic Nintendo games. You start with a few rows of randomly colored Bits to pick up, a basic bassline of the song your character comes from, and a pallete to your left side, ready to hold up to 8 Bits at a time. Soon, Megabits fall from the top of your touch screen, slowly coming to a halt, and falling one line every few seconds (or sometimes faster!). You can place your Bits anywhere on the touch screen, allowing you to start clearing blocks as soon as they appear. Letting a Megabit fall completely or touch a Bit that would not make the required combination forces it to shatter, thus giving you more bits to pick up. If you let your scereen fill up, of course, or place Bits at the top of the screen so Megabits can't fall down, well... you better move them within 3 seconds of the Danger warning, or you-know-what happens.

You can gain Coins (game currency) by clearing Megabits before they touch down anywhere. In addition, there are "Permabits"- Bits with Xs on them that you can't pick up; you must clear them by setting Bits and making Megabits fall on them strategically. This is important, as these little guys net you one Coin each. If you're in Danger, you have the option to POW your way out-- That is, hit the POW button on the bottom of your pallete to knock out the bottom two rows of Bits and send all other Bits cascading to the ground. However, use it wisely-- this locks a spot in your pallete, and the only way to get it back is to pay 5 Coins to unlock it again for use in that stage. You can also use your Coins to buy the game's music, and also to unlock the special "Dark" stages - increased difficulty and more chances for Coins are yours once you buy them at multiples of 20 Coins apiece.

This game is a lot of fun to just look at, and the music builds from simple beeps to the songs you remember from days past with some surprisingly groovy additions here and there. I had a lot of fun playing through the first few stages, and when a simple 4-bleep bassline turned into a nice remix of the Super Mario Bros. theme, I found myself bobbing my head and humming along merrily. Which... makes me weird, I guess. But! The point is, it's highly addictive and enjoyable (I've stopped at least 3 times now to pick it back up), and, at just 500 DSi Points, nicely priced. If you've still got those points from the initial promotion lying around, or you just got a DSi and are looking through the games you can get, Art Style: PiCTOBiTS is a very good option for a puzzle game you'll play for a while, stop playing, pick up and play again, and wake up thinking about.

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Public Enemies

Public Enemies
The only public enemies I know are lettuce, and Chuck D. and Flavor Flav. I guess I'm just a child of a different era. Nowadays no one really has to worry about explosive bank heists, or the charming men that craft them. Just bank failures.
Reviewer
Mason
Categories
Movies
Reviewed by Mason Stillwell
Public Enemies
John Dillinger: an American anti-hero and the most wanted man in the world between the years of 1933 and 1934. Unfortunately, I wouldn't have learned that last date from actually seeing the movie; instead I'm left to assume it took place over a 1 year span, but I definitely couldn't tell you for sure. That's not all that sets this strenuous crime drama apart from Mann's other thrillers, but besides some of the flaws, Public Enemies works, filled with sharp tommy gun face-off's and appealing performances from Depp, and surprisingly Bale.

The movie kicks off immediately with Dillinger and his cartel escaping from prison, done in explosive fashion. They escape off to a farm and lay low for a little while, and to also restock on the fastest cars they can get ahold of. Something about Public Enemies that bothered me was the story felt very separated and scattered; you never really are with these characters or get close to caring about them, but become solely interested in whether or not Dillinger was going to be killed. Which, if you weren't born in, let's say, the past three days, you know he is dead, so you need to make it about the character. Don't get me wrong, you get to know the characters, but they just lack any strong charisma.

Mann mostly redeems himself with the loads of bloody gun battles that are spread across Public Enemies. Along with the many bank heists shown in the film, Mann still captures the tense moments as well as he did in 1995. Bale plays Melvin Purvis, which to my understanding was pretty much the first FBI agent. Even though Mann includes the rejection of Mr. Hoover's idea for a Federal Bureau, eventually it makes its way into the story with Purvis. He is assigned to capture John Dillinger, dead or alive, and let me tell you, Mr. Hoover could care less. Purvis, from then on, is on a constant chase to catch Dillinger, so unlike HEAT there will be no time for coffee with one another.

To my surprise I didn't think Christian Bale was bad, even though I was sure I wasn't going to like him. It's like Tom Cruise; I watch the guy and I just know he's acting. Unlike Cruise, though, Bale often switches between the most outrageous accents, but besides that he is only in the movie about half the amount of time Depp is in it so it works out. Marion Cotillard's character as Dillinger's love interest is somewhat boring honestly, by the end I did feel a little sad for her but I really didn't see any chemistry between the characters. Once again, redeemed by another showdown, and they sure are long.

Overall, unlike many other Michael Mann films this one falls short. It may be one to see once, or even twice, but surely not up to par with Mann's other tense thrillers. Depp's performance is strong, complimented by good side performances from Bale and Cotillard. The movie also never catches up and explains itself; instead it just kind of continues. I was sure I had just seen a three hour film, and wasn't surprised to find out it was damn close. However, you are rewarded with intense gun battles and sometimes intriguing dialogue, along with getting to know Johhny Depp's John Dillinger, which ultimately comes out badass.

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Tostitos Scoops Hint of Jalapeño

Tostitos Scoops Hint of Jalapeño
Chips might be the perfect food: bite size, crunchy, salty, and dippable. Especially when you give them a hint of things. Well, that's just what Tostitos did: clued them in on a little bit of Jalapeño. Ditch those old Hint of Lime retirees and try the new boss.
Reviewer
Brad
Categories
Food & Drink
Reviewed by Brad Cook
Tostitos Scoops Hint of Jalapeño Chips
Well, well, well, Tostitos. It's been a while, hasn't it? That's probably my fault, to an extent; my salsa intake has been probably at an all time low. It's a shameful admittance, I'll admit. Then again, I think perhaps the last actually different variation Tostitos has come out with was probably those Bite Size Gold chips, the ones that were hyper thick and made from yellow corn and fantastic for dipping in things, both because of the yellow corn flavor and the increased thickness/crunch of the chip. While those may be particularly awesome, they're starting to get gray hair at this point. Furthermore, Tostitos isn't really known for venturing very deep into the haunted forest of flavors. They seem to have a sort of puritan philosophy toward the chip: the inherent flavor of the flour tortilla or the corn should be enough, they seem to say. Especially when in the presence of one of their flavors of dip.

The one attempt at additional flavor they've had throughout the years is my beloved Hint of Lime chips. They're just normal Tostitos corn chips, lightly plastered with a powdery Lime flavor, but there is such a perfect amount of Lime flavoring per chip. They're exceedingly delicious, and great for dipping, especially in salsa. But finally, Tostitos has decided bring another flavor into the equation: Jalapeño. A hint of it, to be exact. And once again, they've so perfectly nailed the definition of "hint".

First of all, the Jalapeño flavor itself is glorious. It's very realistic, and almost feels like they just tossed a jalapeño ring onto each chip. The intensity of the flavor is also more than adequate, and is probably equally as strong as Hint of Lime chips. There's even a decent hint of spice. Not only that, but the jalapeño flavor blends fantastically with the natural corn flavor of the chip. So really, the fellas and ladies at Tostitos have given you, the consumer, a choice. You can either rock out with these chips by themselves, enjoying them for their hint of jalapeño, or you can dip them in an array of awesomeness, and have a perfect dipping chip with an extra little kick. Very kind of them to endow us with multi-faceted chips. Sorry, Hint of Lime, but I'm probably gonna have to kick your bag to the curb in favor of these. The strange part is, I think they only have Hint of Jalapeño Scoops, rather than normal shaped chips. So if you just can't stand eating certain shapes, I guess you'll have to find a different destination for Jalapeño greatness. But if your mouth is adaptable and not OCD, you should definitely check these out.

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Burger King BBQ Double Stackticon

BK Double Stacktion
I can assure you that the glorious looking sandwich to the left of this text is not what John Hoy's BBQ Double Stackticon burger looked like. Then again, maybe it just hadn't transformed yet. But then if that's the case, I guess it never really got around to it.
Reviewer
John
Categories
Food & Drink
Reviewed by John Hoy
Burger King Double Stacktion
Every time I go to Burger King, the same thing happens. They advertise some fantastical new sandwich, so I get it, and it's disappointing. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike everything they have; the Angry Whopper was great. This one just doesn't fall in that category.

So I pull up to the King with Kaitis in the car and we want to see what they have that's new. We spot the cleverly placed marketing panels advertising the BK Double Stackticon. The man on the other end of the box came on and asked me to order when I was ready. I fought back by replying, "What comes on that new BK Double Stackticon?" He came back with, "It is like the Double Stacker minus the sauce with BBQ sauce and bacon." I chirped back, "So... its bad?" He quickly guarded it by saying, "Nah it is good. I like it." I hit him hard with, "Alright... you sold me on it. I'll take that with a Dr. Pepper." He told me the total and I pulled around to the first.

The man at ventana número uno repeated the total with no greeting at all. Handed him payment and I was on my way to the next window. When I arrived, the team inside looked jumbled and unorganized. A female stuck her head out of the window to ask as to what did I order? I answered the Stackticon meal thing. She hands me my drink, the window closes. She pops out again to ask if I would like to have ketchup placed in my bag. "Sure, why not?", I reply. Moments pass and to my surprise she returns with a bag of transforming burger goodness. Or is it?

Right off the bat I go to reach into the bag for a straw to sip on my Dr. Pepper and BAM! No straw. That's just how it started off. Made it back to HQ to examine this transformer sandwich in greater depth. When I unwrapped that sandwich I stared at it. It had no more physical appeal to it than any of their other sandwiches. I popped off the top bun to look at the condiments, or lack there of.

I noticed the barbecue sauce instantly, but had a very hard time finding any bacon. It was so thin and so unbacon-like that it hid under the BBQ and right on top of the cheese. I seriously could not find it. I then choked down the burger and fries. It was just like a rodeo cheeseburger with bacon and another piece of meat, minus the Onion Ring.

Basically what I'm trying to say, if you have already made it this far, is that it is not really worth the $5.38 + tax (or $2.79 for the lone 'wich). I can get this meal anywhere I go, literally. It is boring and very simple minded, especially for something as big and marketed as transformers. Give me something awesome and explosive. Something that does not taste like everything else. Maybe they should go back to the drawing board and let Michael Bay design their sandwich. At least it would be over the top, rather than under par.

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Wilco (The Album)

Wilco Self-Titled
You've gotta be pretty audacious to name not only an album after yourself, but a song on said self-titled album. Either that, or they just really don't care at all, which seems a hell of a lot more Wilco to me than the former. Here's Mason's self-titled review.
Reviewer
Mason
Categories
Music
Reviewed by Mason Stillwell
Wilco (The Album)
In 2007, Wilco came out and unleashed a new style of their music in Sky Blue Sky, mostly at the hands of Nels Cline, who added some new depth to the band. But without a doubt, it became one of the best Wilco albums since perhaps 2002, largely due to its drastic change into a more mellow and certainly more mood driven album that was filled with intricate guitar work, somewhat psychedelic transitions and a hard rock n' roll sound. But while we sat around and intrigued ourselves with this new sound Wilco provided on their last studio LP, they were off to the Chicago loft to establish a whole new idea for their seventh LP, Wilco (The Album).

Wilco begins with a few great tunes, "Wilco the Song" and "One Wing", especially. "Wilco the Song" is described as "a great upbeat song professing our love for our fans" by Glenn Kotche, the drummer of Wilco. I couldn't agree more honestly, the song is great. The mood is taken down slightly going into the next song, "Deeper Down", which is something I have noticed a lot in the new album. Alot of mood shifting. "Deeper Down" isn't one of the best from the album but it sure does set you up for one of the best, "One Wing", a very slow ballad that hosts some of the best lyrics and atmospheric guitar work.

From there we're off to "Bull Black Nova", which starts off slow until Nels explodes hard on to the track. This song jams out and clocks in at almost 6 minutes long, the longest on the entire LP. Nova could be called the most powerfull tune on the entire album. Guess what? This song was written from the point of view of a man who just killed his girlfriend, and upon listening it is pretty apparent. "You Never Know" and "You and I" are the next tracks due up. "You Never Know" is actually the bands first single since 2002 ("War on War"). Along with being the catchiest tune on the album, it as well holds some of the best keys any Wilco album has to offer.

Honestly, when I first heard this album I was totally unsure about how to feel about it. I mean it's almost a direct change from what was captured on Sky Blue Sky. Much, much, more slow paced and those Nels solo's sure are trimmed down. However, it doesn't really sway the outcome of this album. After about two weeks I was completely hooked, and my friend, as long as Wilco can make me want to listen, they succeed. Wilco this time instead of using crazy intricate styles, uses a completely simplistic structure and welcoming sound to show what they are made of. "Sunny Feeling" and "Everlasting" are the final two songs that wrap this LP up, "Sunny Feeling" is one of the most prestigious songs on the album, gripping that upbeat folk genre in its fists. Sure I wish every song sounded like the Sky Blue Sky bonus track, "Let's Not Get Carried Away" but thats just a tad bit impractical.

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Plackers Right Angle Floss Picks

Plackers Whitening Right Angle Floss Picks
Does anybody really like to floss? It's painful, annoying, and difficult. Time consuming, too. But I must admit, there's no feeling like the feeling you get after you floss well; everything feels so fresh and neat. Will these help you floss well? Find out.
Reviewer
Kevin Categories Miscellaneous
Reviewed by Kevin Cook
Plackers Whitening Right Angle Floss Picks
I'm a big fan of the floss pick. The good old fashioned way of wrapping long strands of floss around your fingers never suited me nor my gums well. The convenience of floss picks makes flossing each night more bearable. How different can one floss pick be from the next, you ask? Well, let's just say that I walked out of my local Wal-Mart with a smile having snagged a bag of 60 Plackers Right Angle floss picks. I did not expect any significant differences from my previous picks, but boy was I in for a surprise. The instant I popped that bag open, I noticed the actual floss attached to the plastic pick appeared to be wiry and thin. Flossing with it was no treat. The thin floss included not only unravels and shreds as you move from tooth to tooth, but the thin nature of the floss itself gives your gums a tearing sensation. It felt like I was flossing with 4 lb. test fishing line. I thought I could endure the pain until the bag ran out, and I was not planning on reviewing this. However, here I am; gums aching and stinging. DO NOT buy Plackers Right Angle floss picks. They are thin enough to cut your gums up, and due to this, you can easily rack up a count of three floss picks per session.

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True Blood (S02E03)

Sookie Stackhouse is a heroine. Not because she's super duper awesome or because her breasts are easily observable, but because a series of books was created surrounding her story, and now Alan Ball is steering its craft around the HBO studios. Thank you, Sook!
Reviewer
Ben
Categories
TV Shows
Reviewed by Ben Cordes
True Blood - S02E03 "Scratches"
Good on ya, Hoyt, for finally taking the chick bait and getting some action. It's refreshing to see more good natured vampire interactions after the majorly twisted scenario involving Lafayette, Eric, and the dismembered body parts of a former redneck. Jessica isn't the most interesting character to behold, but the makeup of her story and surroundings could lead to further intrigue. It was definitely bizarre to see Hoyt being mounted in Bill's house, on Bill's couch, as Bill and Sookie walk in the door - excellent moment.

Moments of such excellence were sparse during this episode; the starter and follow-up episodes of season 2 had a furious pace, cramming groundbreaking, plot development dialogue in between intense character encounters. Scratches focuses mostly on Sookie's meeting with a minotaur, and her resulting scrapes, or aptly named scratches. They looked wholly real and absolutely disgusting, so watching an old hag dig her crusty finger around inside was far from pleasurable, but of course it was necessary. Regardless of my feelings towards the grotesqueness of the scene, I have to tip my hat to the makeup department, assuming they're responsible for concocting and plastering that mess onto Anna Paquin's back. Oppositely, I'd like to offer some hate to whoever decided to wrap up this portion of Lafayette's story with him crying in a blanket.

Far from being in danger of minotaurs, let alone queermo flag-football players, Jason's god complex is walking him down some increasingly boring roads. I'm holding my breath in hopes that the end of his Jesus journey will justify the torturous cry-baby scenes about Jason's helplessness to save his grandmother; his ego is certainly as enormous as ever, seemingly unlike Eggs, who Tara quickly lost interest in upon his acceptance of a massage at the hands of a bare-breasted beauty. Eggs intrigues me not because he has secrets, but because I feel like the answers to his secrets will give us insight into the mysterious Maryanne's motives. What does she want with Sam, if it's really him she's after? And in regards to people wanting Sam, the shocker ending involving Daphne on the dock has me wishing it was six days from now. That was almost as awesome as Hoyt attempting to school Jessica on Wii Sports, or Maryanne rolling Tara a breakfast joint. Gotta love Alan Ball.

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Cigarettes and Coffee

Cigarettes and Coffee
Paul Thomas Anderson's not really a cookie cutter director, having created such originals as Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Punch-Drunk Love, and There Will Be Blood, but his early film, Cigarettes and Coffee, really shows what he had in him.
Reviewer
Mason
Categories
Movies
Reviewed by Mason Stillwell
Cigarettes and Coffee
Cigarettes and coffee; a pretty classic mix for anyone who enjoys the two. This 1993 short film done by Paul Thomas Anderson is aimed to introduce you to the story of our characters. Also, don't worry, for all the smokers out there, it is only 30 minutes (unless you're lucky enough to smoke a cigarette while watching, in which case I'd call you a lucky bastard). So it's not too much torture, plus you'll want to light one up after the movie anyway. This was PTA's first professionally done short film, created using money he saved from dropping out of NYU film school (after 1 day of schooling) to budget the short and as a borrowed camera, and from there..well you know the rest.

Kirk Baltz (Officer Marvin Nash from Reservoir Dogs) plays our main character, whose name isn't discovered until the film's final minutes, but that is sort of irrelevant anyway. Wanna know someone who has a name in this film? Bill, and he is a hitman. This film takes place in a diner, I am assuming on the outskirts of Las Vegas, Nevada. Baltz is sharing a cup of coffee with Phillip Baker Hall, who is very strict about the rules of conversation. "We will wait for our cigarettes to be lit and our coffee poured" before they discuss anything. Honestly. I expected nothing less from PTA. Well, not only are Baltz and Baker Hall at this diner, so are two young newlyweds (on their honeymoon), one of which is upset with the other. The last patron in the diner is Bill. Bill (played by Miguel Ferrer, think Blank Check) immediately gets on the phone and calls someone, but all dialogue leads back to Baltz and Baker Hall. Unfortunately, we missed the conversation about how and why Kirk Baltz is even here.

I'll stop for a second and explain. I mean so far all I have talked about is people conversing with each other, so how is that entertaining? Well, the details are divulged on a "need to know basis", and part of the fun of this film is trying to extract story info from the heavily intriguing dialogue. Something I absolutely admire about Paul Thomas Anderson is the fact that this was his first film and the film is done so well. This film is almost like a scene from a Quentin Tarantino movie. Don't believe me? Well, he won Best Director at the 2002 Cannes Film Festival. If anyone is still with me, let's continue.

"What, you want to hear it again?" asks Baltz "Possibly, yes. The second time will either confirm its validity, or brighten it's silliness," Baker Hall replies. Sorry, but I am a total sucker for the dialogue used in this short (because it's brilliant). Baltz eventually gets to it, as the cigarettes continue to burn, and tells the story about how he was gambling inside the casino and stepped out for a minute as a ritual, took a bill out of his pocket and wrote his name of the back of it. Something like a "good luck charm" (oh man). He never made it back inside with that bill, instead running into his best friend Steve from Portland (the best man at his wedding). He asks him to borrow 20 bucks because he was going to play craps. He gives it to him. As they also plan to meet in Baltz's room at 7PM, only for Baltz to show up and find just his wife and between the nightstand and the bed, the marked bill. He continues to explain and we find out that Baltz has some buried emotions about his wife and best friend, eventually, leading him to explain that he took the bill and gambled it, and won about 8 grand. Bill finishes up his phone conversation and walks into the diner to buy a pack of cigarettes; guess what dollar bill he uses? With that being done, we know that Baltz hired the hitman to take care of his wife and friend, which is why he and Baker Hall are even discussing this, and Baltz feels regret for what he has done. When the change from the bill is brought back to the table, Baker Hall is left with a 20. We then discover that Baltz's name is Douglas Walker. Doug doesn't notice the bill, and he decides to drop the 20 on the ground. After finding out that Steve is in the trunk of Bill's car, the dysfunctional newlyweds leave, but not before his wife takes the bill off the ground. Baker finally leaves Doug with a bit of advice, "Drink your coffee and smoke your cigarette, that alone will make everything alright."

Now, I didn't mean to take this review and turn it into a full on breakdown of this movie or even rant about how original and well thought out it is, but it deserves it. So what's the point of the whole thing? That's for you to decide for yourself. Paul Thomas Anderson is one of the few great screenwriters around the business today. Cigarettes and Coffee thrives on a simplistic setting and idea, while remaining a complex story where five characters' lives are all intertwined by a single bill. However, it holds much higher meaning and anyone who watches can identify that.

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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Transformers 2 Review
Not much I really have to say about this one. It's Michael Bay's sequel to Transformers, and it's looking like it's gonna be one hell of a quality movie. Intelligent dialogue, subtly nuanced special effects, and a rock solid story to work with. How could it go wrong?
Reviewer
Chris
Categories
Movies
Reviewed by Chris Balan
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Let me begin by saying that I am a fan of the first Transformers. It was a perfect summer-action movie that hit all the right notes. The story was a bit weak, and the characters were unrealistic, but the movie was still an enjoyable special effects driven extravaganza. After seeing it about 6 times, I figured the sequel was going to be an improvement over the first, giving fans more of what they want. Boy, was I wrong. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the exact opposite of what I was expecting, and is a bit of a slap in the face for true fans of the previous film.

Michael Bay’s intentions with ROTF was to bring everything back from the first film that everyone loved, except on a much larger and epic scale. Technically, yes, there is a LOT more of what you see in the first film. That’s the main problem with ROTF: there is just way too much going on at once. What worked with Transformers was that the concept of the Transformers bringing their war to our planet was believably portrayed. Every action scene that happened in the first film was a consequence of what was occurring within the context of the situation. With ROTF, Bay put’s us through 2 and a half hours of pure randomness. A majority of the action scenes feel as if they are there just to be there, and don’t feel very important. The action isn’t as personal as the battles we saw in the first film. When it came to the final 45 minutes, the film switches scenery to Egypt, which is where the remainder of the action takes place. This is where I most expected to see the best scenes in the film; denied once again. It remained as repetitive as the entire movie had been and doesn’t do anything to really leave you in awe. It’s loud and action packed, but none of it is very interesting.

There are a few moments in ROTF that are pretty awesome to behold. The first 10 minutes of the movie begin very promisingly, with Optimus Prime chasing down a new Transformer called a Devastator. It’s one of the biggest Transformers that we have seen yet, and the destruction that we see on the screen caused by this machine is truly mind-boggling. This proves to be one of the best scenes in the film. I would have to say that the single best scene in the movie is when Prime takes on some Decepticons in a forest. Everything about this scene is perfect; it’s epic, the music is perfectly scored making all the action more intense, and the battle sequence is beautifully choreographed. This where I found ROTF had peaked, and that was halfway through the movie. Fallen does have some of the best special effects that I have ever seen, and I don’t expect them to be topped until the release of Avatar. Unfortunately the story here is awful. If you really want to know the details about what happens, look elsewhere because I don’t want to talk about it. All I can say is that Bay has a habit of showing all these intense scenes with important military meetings and briefings, and it is done so often that it gives you the vibe that you are watching a high budget military television ad. None of the dialogue is every enticing, and I was never interested in what was happening with any of the characters. How did this happen? I enjoyed everything about the first film when it came to the characters, but this aspect of the film is empty and inept, and it really bothered me here.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is mediocre and may stand as one of the worst sequels in the history of filmmaking. I went into the film with all logic and critical thinking at an all time low and was still extremely bothered by all of the faults in the movie. All of the comedy is used so often, and is so bad, that it makes you question how old Michael Bay thinks he is. You’re a grown man. Stop showing scenes of dogs humping each other, robots humping Megan Fox, stereotyped robots that speak in Ebonics, and bad sex jokes. Even seeing Megan Fox modeling gets old fast, and I began to feel a bit uncomfortable because at a certain point, I felt that Bay might be slightly perveted. You’ll get the vibe that this flick is just advertising the robots to sell more toys in the long run, which is really quite sad. If you’re the kind of person who is looking to “turn off your mind” and enjoy the film, I regret to tell you that it won’t work. There is just too much wrong with this movie and it will most likely bother you even if you refuse to let it do so. Save your money on this one.

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Sobe Black and Blueberry Lifewater

Sobe Lifewater Review
Sobe Lifewaters are like bottles in Zelda games. You just knock that back, and watch your heart meter refill. When you're done drinking it, you can even fill it up with other stuff! Fairies, Lon Lon Milk, doesn't matter, just swipe that bottle.
Reviewer
Ben
Categories
Food & Drink
Reviewed by Ben Cordes
Sobe Blue and Blackberry Lifewater
As my once broken robot friend has done (several times) in the past, black and blue berry life water raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly. Bravo, SoBe. Your zero calorie drink may be a delight to the mouth and lips when chilled, but warm? I'll have nothing of it, thank you. Strangely enough, the ice cold black and blue berry drink doesn't taste like a low calorie beverage. It tastes like blueberry, and it tastes like blackberry. The very berry flavors topple over each other inside the mouth and battle for dominance over the taste buds.

The bland, powdery aftertaste present in ten calorie Vitamin water is nowhere to be tasted in this bottle. Leave it sitting out overnight, however, and a mysterious thing happens. The unpleasantness of Vitamin water seems to hide behind frigid temperatures, arriving alongside warmth. I can't fault SoBe entirely for this; there aren't many drinks that are altogether enjoyable at room temperature.

The bottle is a fun. In fact, it might be too fun. I've held its screwy shape at least a dozen different ways, and can't help but try to figure out other methods of handling while sipping. Don't let the indentations fool you, either. SoBe life water comes standard in a legitimate 20 ounce bottle, as do the zero calorie counterparts. Vitamin water took a significant leap to tackle the low calorie crowd, but they sacrificed enjoyable flavors for fewer calories. As more and more companies switch tactics and follow Vitamin water's lead, they're tending to emerging victorious. SoBe life water has ten calories fewer than the Vitamin nastiness, and the taste will have you thanking yourself for a wise purchase.

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True Blood (S02E02)

True Blood Season 2 Episode 2
Mason told me he tried making his own TruBlood once. He mixed up some water, flour, and food coloring, then added a bit of Garlic and put it all into a silver flask. I told him that was kinda defeating the purpose, but I don't think he understood.
Reviewer
Mason
Categories
TV Shows
Reviewed by Mason Stillwell
True Blood (S02E02) - "Keep This Party Going"
Where do I even begin? We are only two episodes into the second season and the show has defined the term of, "kicking off where it left off". With this most recent episode we can finally put to rest Lafayette being turned vampire, which was (fucking) awesome. But before I jump to where we are at now, we should probably examine the rest of the events that occurred in episode two. I might also mention that this could possibly be the most gory episode of True Blood to date, so forgive me if I rant on about every disgusting detail.

Immidiately, Eric (that badass) had just finished eating the others trapped below with Lafayette. Espicially the dick who pulled the silver on him. Just kidding, he's not a dick he was trust trying to survive, actually nevermind he's still a dick. Eric then throws what's left of the guy's arm at Lafayette in SLOW MOTION! So it's extra special. Anyone else sort of shocked about Lafayette's ratting Jason out? What's even more questionable about that scene is Pam telling Eric that "Jason may be fun". However, this was instantly overturnd by Eric, because Sookie is "too valuable". Later though, we do see Eric approach Bill and say that Sookie is needed for an assignment to look for the missing vampire.

Something I love about this season so far, is that it has crushed alot of the ideas I thought this season was going to run with. Like Jason being in desperate search for something. However, I find that even Sam is in more of a desperate situation than Jason. I thought also that maybe Jessica would be a lot more out-of-hand than she has proven to be. Even though the whole visit to her family's house was Sookie's fault. So I really like the direction the season has taken, only two episodes in.

Some scenes in this episode were kind of ridiculous, like when Jason is playing capture the flag, I felt like I was watching some PG movie about how humans succeed and overcome their differences. Don't ask me how I got that, I just did. Also, the teeny bopper Christian singer, her performance was, bottom line, too long. If they just would have shown her for two seconds singing "I love Jesus" we would have gotten the point. But it is Alan Ball and he has a direction for everything. (Oh my god, I sound like a kid that came from the Fellowship camp.)

The entire thing with the Fellowship of the Sun makes for intiguing thinking though. Why is Jason so imporatnt to these people? Jason's new rival Luke had to endure 3 years of Bible study and abstinence (ouch) before he got on that bus. It actually angers me to see Jason eating out of the palm of that arrogant douche, Steve Newlin. I'm assuming I am supposed to be upset at it so Alan Ball, I forgive you.

The blood was upped in the masses as well in this episode, finally. By far the best is Lafayette dragging half of a corpse over to his body with his feat, digging (and breaking) through intestine, until he finds the man's metal hip. Of course after the extraction of the metal, he was set free only to end up shot in the leg by that old chick who works with the vamps. Also! Maryann can turn Sam Merlotte into a dog by using her mind and shaking around a little bit?? As well as being able to slightly influence others actions?? And what about when Sookie read her mind?? Can you say possessed? I'll let that stand as my theory.

On a final note I would like to state that my rating for this True Blood is slightly unfair, because I'm taking whatever I think it should be and then adding it plus one, solely on the fact that Anna Paquin showed her boobs, AGAIN. (With that being said the first episode would have been a 7). Seriously though, I would like to personally thank Anna Paquin for that, as well as Alan Ball. This second episode was nothing short of another great True Blood episode, despite its minor flaws. This episode is filled with blood and intriguing storytelling and development.

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Regina Spektor - Far

Respekt - Far
Oh snap! Look! A girl. Her name is Mary Smith, and she loves her some Regina Spektor. She also loves We Rate Stuff, which is why she gets a seven out of seven. Not for any of her other qualities, of course. No, no, no.
Reviewer
Mary
Categories
Music
Reviewed by Mary Smith
Regina Spektor - Far
Regina Spektor and I have had a pretty close relationship for about four years now. I listen to her music religiously, dance to her songs in my car, and see her shows - all while she is off making beautiful melodies and doing whatever it is a quirky Russian anti-folk artist does. So okay, this love that Regina and I have isn’t exactly mutual, but regardless of whether or not she knows my name, her music never ceases to amaze me. With her 2006 release, Begin to Hope ranking number 20 on the Billboard Top 100 chart, Regina Spektor’s fifth studio album, Far has been her most anticipated work yet. It is for this reason that I am outrageously overjoyed to be able to tell the we-rate-stuff world how absolutely worth the wait this album was.

Normally when I submerge my heart into an artist’s work as far as I have with RESPEKT’s (that’s short for REgina SPEKTor. Clever, I know.) it comes with the fear that said artist will one day change themselves completely and I will no longer respekt (I just had to) their music as much as I once did. Even after having a number one album for five consecutive weeks, this is completely NOT the case with Regina. Although Far is clearly a more polished and clean side of Spektor’s music, her fun and playful beat boxing, chair tapping, vowel stressing style shows itself to be very present in her new work.

The first song on this album, “The Calculation” made me scream the first time I heard it because it is just that good. It’s cute, it’s catchy and it just makes me want to dance a lot. My favorite aspect of her music is that she takes such deep issues and somehow wraps them up into fun poppy songs. This is the case in not only the first song, which discusses a naïve relationship that’s headed downhill, but many others on the album. The first single, “Laughing With” has these crazy emotional lyrics that touch on the idea that at some point in everyone’s life, they turn to God for assistance. Other songs, like “Blue Lips” and “Human of the Year” also have spiritual/religious vibes to them. Although her more serious songs differ greatly from her radio hits, the songs that clearly have deeper meanings, such as “Genius Next Door” and “Man of a Thousand Faces” add so much to the album. Every single song tells a completely different story, and Regina’s ability to do that really shows on this album. The more serious songs even manage to still reveal some of that classic RESPEKT oddness, as heard in the song “Eet” when she ends by mumbling a nice little beat under her breath. Oh, Regina.

After waiting for so long for it, what excited me the most about this album was that Regina finally decided to take songs that have always been really good demos and expand them. Tracks like “Folding Chair,” “Human of the Year,” and “One More Time With Feeling” are some of my favorites by her because they were always just mysteriously floating around the internet and would occasionally pop up during her shows, but now they’re actually official and they’re better than ever. “Folding Chair” would have to be my favorite song on this CD, and I could very easily see it becoming my favorite song she has ever released. I would recommend that anyone who is sad listen to this track, because the happiness that surrounds this song is seriously infectious. This song shows that even in the midst of big name producers as a result of her newly acquired fame, Regina Spektor is not afraid to stretch a two syllable word into a seven syllable one (example: for-ge-eh-eh-eh-eh-et) or sing like a dolphin (yes, really. Listen if you don’t believe me). Other up-beat catchy songs like this include “Wallet,” “Dance Anthem of the 80’s,” and “Two Birds.” These songs are all so groovy, I think it’s humanly impossible to listen to any of them without tapping a finger or a foot, or both. The contrast between these songs and the more serious sounding songs described earlier displays itself beautifully throughout the album, as does the contrast between really simple and complex ideas and sounds.

Really devoted Regina fans would agree with me when I say that none of her albums, although amazing, do any real justice to how great of a performer she is live. The raw and simple sound of her voice, a piano, and the occasional drumstick tapping on a chair is what really makes Regina Spektor the unique artist that she is. Although I’d listen to her perform Far alone on a piano with no effects or editing over the actual studio album any day, this CD is exactly what the world needed from Regina. It contains just the right amount of that fresh new feeling while still sticking to her classic technique. The fact that there are no “Consequence of Sounds” or “Poor Little Rich Boy” sounding songs on this album does make me a tiny bit sad, but through the extremely well-crafted blend of songs on Far, Regina has given me the confidence to say that her classic style that fans love isn’t going to be altered any time soon. To go from having such a strong underground following to having huge mainstream success in the short amount of time that Regina Spektor did, there was a lot weighing on this album, and in my opinion, she conquered it flawlessly.

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The Mars Volta - Octahedron

Octahedron Review
So people flipped out pretty bad when I said that Cotopaxi was a step in the wrong direction for The Mars Volta. Kevin listened to Octahedron a bunch of times, and BAM, review.
Reviewer
Kevin
Categories
Music
Reviewed by Kevin Cook
The Mars Volta - Octahedron
Omar Rodriguez-Lopez has made a name for himself as one of the most prolific artists of his generation. Since 2005, Lopez has released around twelve solo albums and four albums with The Mars Volta, only failing to release one in 2007. All this talk of Omar. Why? Well, as we are so quaintly informed in the Amputechture (2006) book lining, The Mars Volta is “the relationship between Omar and Cedric.” The relationship between Omar and Cedric is back in 2009 with the relationship between Omar and Cedric’s fifth full-length album, entitled Octahedron. Front man Cedric Bixler-Zavala claimed Octahedron was to be the relationship between Omar and Cedric’s “acoustic” album, described in layman’s terms of course, as we all know how Omar loves to juice up his Orange amps and let the obscure guitar effects flow. It is notable that 2008’s The Bedlam In Goliath serves as the relationship between….sorry, enough of that, The Mars Volta’s most brutal and aggressive album. Octahedron is undeniably the softest album in the band’s repertoire to date, featuring songs comparable in style to tracks such as De-loused in the Comatorium’s “Televators,” and Frances the Mute’s “Miranda That Ghost Just Isn’t Holy Anymore.” "Cotopaxi", the song that is sure to be the album’s first single, was released on the internet well prior to the release of the full album. Opinions on "Cotopaxi" forked, with some fans digging the aggressive nature of the song that is reminiscent to songs on The Bedlam In Goliath; other fans, such as myself, found the song to be incredibly bland, nearly destroying the hype that a new Volta album usually fills me with. It was not too long after "Cotopaxi" leaked that three (if I remember correctly) more tracks leaked: "Since We’ve Been Wrong", "Desperate Graves" and "With Twilight As My Guide". After listening to these songs, all of my hopes for another solid release were shattered. I found myself questioning whether or not this album would be worth my time upon its release. As always, the inevitable happened, the album leaked far prior to its release date. Although I was not excited for it at all, I quickly obtained those mp3 files and got down to business, thoroughly examining each track, repeatedly listening to Octahedron as a whole. The findings…

I quickly skimmed through each track before I put my headphones on to kill the beast in one sitting. It’s amazing how much different music sounds from the first time you hear it to the thirtieth time you hear it. Naturally, as I skimmed through Octahedron, I heard empty sounding songs, with my mind only able to concentrate on one aspect of the music at a time, due to the fact that it was all new to me (for the most part). If you were questioning what Bixler-Zavala meant by Octahedron being their “acoustic” album, you merely have to withstand a minute and a half of ambience before "Since We’ve Been Wrong" takes off. The acoustic guitar provided by Lopez gives this track the feel of a classic-rock epic. We are slowly taken from verse to chorus to verse to chorus until the song builds to a crescendo and the full band comes into play. Given the fact that the band was going for an acoustic take of their usually aggressive psychedelic style, I’d say "Since We’ve Been Wrong" can be considered a job well done, but a job done in the most typical of ways. Just as the opener track bleeds out the ambience that it began with, "Teflon" kicks off with rock music’s hottest drummer taking center stage…..for about fifteen seconds, as that is as long as it takes for the rest of the band to work their way in. Cedric may have tricked us for the first seven minutes of Octahedron, but "Teflon" shows no signs of acoustic guitar, or any restraint. Omar lets his signature use of strange guitar effects take us into an alien atmosphere. The biggest accomplishment found within "Teflon" is the atmospheric bubble it envelops the listener in, which is a quality that I’ve come to expect from The Mars Volta. Aside from creating a world within the song, I can’t even come close to saying that this is a great song. There is nothing that appears in the song after the minute-and-a-half mark that deviates (hehe. Foreshadowing, anyone?) it from what is displayed at face value. Nothing can be said about the song’s structure; in fact, if Omar thought it necessary or appealing, I could see "Teflon" reduced to a three minute single. Onto the minimalistic (don’t argue it) "Halo Of Nembutals". On a side note, the way this song starts off and kicks off reminds me of Pink Floyd’s “Time.” Anyone else? Cedric’s vocals in this song’s tastefully written chorus provide the explanation for it being about 20 plays greater than the other songs on Octahedron. In the end, though, a catchy chorus is not enough to deem a song as great. Prepare for the next acoustic ballad! "With Twilight As My Guide" ditches drummer Thomas Pridgen for what might as well be a duet between Omar and Cedric. There is nothing special to be said about this song, as it is simply an acoustic ballad; not even the Mars Volta label next to the song’s name can make this anything more than an acoustic ballad. On a positive note, Cedric’s vocals are excellently showcased here, but I will get to that later. Once again, Omar lets "With Twilight As My Guide" bleed out the oh-so-necessary ambience. "Cotopaxi" emerges from this ambience with a BANG. For a second, you’d think you were listening to The Bedlam In Goliath part two.

As far as Octahedron’s style, "Cotopaxi" is the odd man out. It is also the shortest track, clocking in at 3:39. Although this was the song that made me lose faith, after a fair amount of listens, I can appreciate it as the fun, aggressive song it is. "Desperate Graves" is next, and it greatly reminds me of a style that The Mars Volta would have worked with back in the Tremulant – De-loused days. I haven’t said much about Omar’s guitar playing thus far, so I will admit that there are some interesting licks in this song. As far as songwriting goes, I think I have made it clear that I was not impressed, but I also realize that a song doesn’t need a complex structure to be great. Having said that, "Desperate Graves" can be a fun song to groove to, once again featuring a catchy chorus. 'Copernicus" is, in a way, like "Televators", a single from the band’s debut album. It features the mighty duo at their best on Octahedron. The band even ventures into unknown waters with "Copernicus" as there is an entirely electronic bit in the middle, which, I might add, enhances the song greatly. The classy piano bits scattered throughout are also noteworthy. Cedric’s lush vocals and the new electronic bit make for a fine song, something that has not been so easy to say thus far. More ambience carries us into the most interesting song on the album, "Luciforms". This is it. This is what I’ve been waiting for. This is my personal favorite. This is The Mars Volta. We are given the silent treatment for nearly two minutes, until bass player Juan Alderete and Cedric decide to spare us! Soon enough, Pridgen and Lopez come in and the song kicks off with an adrenaline rush that has been missing on every previous track. All of the sudden, the band is in top form once again, Omar is rocking out with his electric guitar, Cedric is wailing bizarre, paranoid lyrics. Everything fits. Haunting piano floods the melody as Cedric throws down criminally intriguing lyrics: “Gordian knots in the power lines, saucer fills to empty with pesticide, like the pharaohs of old, bury me in gold.” Who the hell knows what that means, but it sure caught my interest. The true testament of top form Volta, Omar’s guitar soloing. After the type of solo that he has programmed us to love, it is out with the new and in with the old. The song fades out for a while, before bringing back the same section of music used throughout the song. Effective way to end the album. The true highlight. Now that I am done with the painstakingly long process of song-by-song reviewing, which I hate doing, by the way, I can talk about the novelties, disappointments, etc etc. One thing should be noted: Omar is not so much the boss man on this album, Cedric steals that title. His vocal performances are top notch from song to song, without fail. His lyrics are as bizarre as usual, and will be interpreted like biblical scriptures, as usual.

The greatest disappointment is obvious. You don’t acquire the most explosive drummer in rock music and give him a backseat role. I understand that this is Omar’s take on acoustic music, but come on! It would be very easy for me to rant about how it doesn’t sound like the usual amount of effort was put into this album, but who the hell am I to say that. As a Mars Volta release, Octahedron is a step sideways and backwards at the same time. I would label it as undeniably their weakest attempt thus far in their career. There are a few highlights, but that doesn’t cure inconsistency. These highlights are: "Halo Of Nembutals", "Copernicus" and "Luciforms". Who knows, maybe I’ll one day grow to love it, but until then…Octahedron scores a 3/7. Note that if a 3.5 were possible, I would award it the extra half point.

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McDonald's Angus Third Pounder

McDonald's 1/3 Pounder Bacon and Cheese Angus Burger
McDonald's finally has Angus burgers! Maybe that'll cure what ails them. Their ailment being a lack of depth in their usual patties. One thing's for sure: the price isn't lacking in depth. $4 is pretty pricey for a single burger... could it be worth it?
Reviewer
Brad
Kaitis
Categories
Food & Drink
Reviewed by Brad Cook
McDonald's Third Pounder Bacon and Cheese Angus Burger
Pickles and (uncooked) Onions make me wanna harvest the little sisters.
A while back, McDonald's announced, rather quietly, for some reason, that they were soon going to be featuring a variety (three, to be exact) of Angus beef burgers on their menu. I also have a guy on the inside at McDonald's, if you catch my drift. Basically, I have a friend who works at one. He told me what day they were coming to McDonald's, but alas, I was either too lazy to go, or too forgetful to remember. To prove my lazi/forgetfulness, I can't even remember what prevented me from reviewing this mother in the first place. But that's neither here, nor there. (Or is it? I can't remember and I'm too lazy to check).

Regardless, I reached my hand deep down into that Angus steer that is McDonald's and pulled one Bacon and Cheese Angus Third Pounder out. The first thing I noticed about this burg is that it has ccrrrrrrrraaaazzzzy bacon! Stickin' out all over the durned place. Not one for bacon with a side of anarchy, I quickly folded them in half whilst rolling in traffic. The burger is pretty damn hefty; probably a diameter of about 4 - 4.5" (that's inches, for the symbolically impaired), with the actual patty itself a bit short of an inch thick. That's some impressive girth for a burger, especially for being purchased at McDonald's.

As I worked my way through this beast, I definitely noticed a quality difference between this Angus beef and their normal fare. It's chunkier, like actual beef, and had a straight up beef flavor, so I'll probably trust them on this one. Good news, too, for cheese fans: they slab a slice on both top and bottom of the patty. It also comes with pickles and red onions. The bun seemed a bit beefed (oh!) up too, so as to be able to handle this 1/3 lb chunk of cow murder. O hai, PETA!

Overall, though, this is nothing more than a pretty good bacon cheeseburger. There's nothing overly unique about this burger, but I suppose that's what the other two varieties, Deluxe, and Mushroom & Swiss, are for. There's not even any special seasoning, that I could taste, at least; just beef, cheese, bacon, and veggies, essentially. If you go to any restaurant that doesn't serve fast food burgers, you can get the same size burger (if not bigger) with fries and a drink for probably a meager dollar or two extra, since just one of these will run you a cool $4. Or, you could simply spend $2 on two double cheeseburgers, and achieve the same effect. Plus, it's a little late for anyone to be getting excited about fast food Angus burgers, because so many fast food restaurants have already done this. Kaitis also points out it might be the very first Mickey D's burger to be blessed with bacon on top, which is a bit strange. McDonald's is pretty late to the game with this, and the item itself is a bit pricey, although I just realized you're probably paying extra for them to stuff as many calories into it as possible. Huh. Maybe that $4 is worth it after all!

Note: According to our good friends at GrubGrade, these items are currently only in select markets, but are expected to go nationwide in August.

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Reviewed by Michael Kaitis
McDonald's Third Pounder Mushroom & Swiss Angus Burger
While I doubt anyone on our staff could be tricked into ordering the "Deluxe" version of this burger, which is just a plain Angus burger with a garden variety of veggies, adding Mushrooms or Bacon makes the 4 dollar price tag not nearly as much of a stretch. While Brad had to go and offend every Jewish person by reviewing a burger with pork on it, I went with the friendly, all natural, fungus route. Due to our good friend John Hoy actually working at the fast food MegaCo, I have insight that these are actually somewhat fresh looking Mushrooms, see for yourself!

Once they hit the grill, I assume they put a decent variety of McSpices, because by the time they make it to the burger, they're cooked to a perfect amount, with peppery seasonings that make them stand out on the burger, instead of blend in. Pretty damn shocking for McDonald's. Another thing I did learn from being friends with an employee is that they almost always have swiss cheese, and you can ask for it on anything. Which makes me see this burger as a little less special, but they're lucky it's the standard mushroom burger cheese, or I may actually have gotten a little pissed.

The only other thing on the burger is Mayonnaise, the one and only condiment. I usually like mayo, but this time it struck me as kind of gross. It starts melting quite quickly once it's on there, and soon turns into a greasy, melty mess with the cheese. Don't get me wrong, it worked pretty damn well, but they went a little heavy on it in my one experience. I'll be asking for light mayo next time, thanks.

Besides me complaining about how greasy their food was (what was I expecting?), I actually enjoyed this enough to at least try one of the other ones also. The quality is such a step up, it's shocking, and in retrospect just about worth my cash. Like Brad said, you can get a burger that's easily much better, for not much more at most restaurants. But if you don't have a lot of time, and are close to those Golden Arches, this is much better quality than most of the other junk they have.

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Year One

Year One
Lots of stuff happened in the year one, man. Wait a second, if it's the year one, how is Jack Black like forty years old? Seems to me that everyone should be in some sort of baby phase. At least there weren't any Dinosaurs. Someone told me they lived with humans.
Reviewer
Mason
Categories
Movies
Reviewed by Mason Stillwell
Year One
I wish I could have lived in Year One, especially because I would love to hang out with Jack Black and Michael Cera, and the women back then were hotter (and hairier), but my experience in Year One would probably be nothing like Zed and Oh's, more like Oh and No's. (Hey, that rhymes at least I know I still have a profession in hip-hop). Actually, that was about as clever as half the jokes in Year One. Don't get me wrong; when David Cross is smashing Paul Rudd's head with a rock, I laugh. Even when Jack Black is playing the same character he always plays (no matter what year it is), I still laugh. But Year One is a very selective comedy.

The laughs, in my opinion, outweigh the flaws in this one. Cera and Black both have moments when the humor is really there, and it's usually always there when David Cross is around. Cera and Black stumble upon David Cross and Paul Rudd as Cain and Abel, and I'm sure everyone has seen at least a clip from this hysterical fight. Although, it is much more extended than any part released online. I found that to be one of this movie's biggest flaws. The big one liners were used in almost every commercial and audience wise got no laughter when they came around.

Wait though, let me finish. Not ALL of Year One's laughs come from what you've already seen in the trailers; trust me, you won't see Kyle Gass throw a testicle at Michael Cera on TV, and that is the benefit of seeing this film. Most parts are as unexpected as the next, but can still suffer from moments of pure corny writing. Most of the hilarious parts come from Michael Cera being in a bad situation, which is mostly always funny. Jack Black as well had his own brand of humor to mix into the bunch and at times it works. Of course, some of the biblical references incorporated with the movie are pretty funny as well. Like Abraham sacrificing Isaac, which is how we are introduced to Hank Azaria and Christopher Mintz-Plasse. Sorry for the spoiler but, Plasse mentions smoking "herb" and I thought that was notable. (Did you think I was gonna say he doesn't get sacrificed?) Oops.

Oliver Platt has an alright part. Vinnie Jones to my surprise was extremely more calm than I thought he was going to be. Oh my, and the best might just might be Princess Inanna (sorry, I just drooled a little bit) I had to look up who she was and little to my surprise she is the insanely beautiful girl who has a part on House, from the three episodes I've seen of that show. Sorry, that was kind of irrelevent but seriously, I want her to read this so she can contact me. Hey, Olivia. No, but if you want to talk about funny, hands down it goes to Bill Hader. Bill Hader is a shaman and the only way for you to actually know it's Bill Hader, is by hearing his voice. It is hard to even take him seriously because of this bone that he has through his nose. Stick around after the credits roll for more footage of Shaman Bill and a few other funny scenes.

In the end, Year One was kind of a feel-good type comedy, not really perfect. Capitalizes more on the humor it has rather than trying to be anything really special. Certainly funny, mostly it's the last 30 minutes that really take the pie in unoriginality. Not really a problem, like I said you will probably find more laughs than flaws, but it just lacks that spark that keeps you giggling every two seconds. Cera and Black both hold moments in the movie that will make you want to watch again, along with David Cross, who is in pretty much half of this movie but still, I wouldn't consider this a must-see.

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Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Gonzo Review
I don't think there was ever a guy who like both guns and drugs as much as Hunter S. Thompson did. I also don't think there's a guy with a cooler, more hilarious mass-remembered catchphrase than "We can't stop here, this is bat country!" Fun guy!
Reviewer
Mason
Categories
Movies
Reviewed by Mason Stillwell
Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
When I heard that there was going to be a documentary about Hunter S. Thompson, I thought to myself, "Okay Johnny Depp has to narrate!" No, but seriously, the minute after I saw the trailer I was immediately ready to see the film. For me pretty much anything involving Hunter Thompson is going to be downright hilarious and filled with brilliance. Alex Gibney, acclaimed documentary director of "Taxi to the Dark Side", which has been very well received (helming a 100 percent on the Tomatometer) and also won the 2007 Academy Award for Documentary Feature, does the direction for Gonzo and does a wonderful job in making sure he presents very entertaining material while reaching the undiscovered aspects of the writer's life. Although, Hunter is mostly just like you expected him to be.

I would assume that some long time readers of Hunter Thompson wouldn't say the film is anything special, as this documentary is more for people who don't really know much about the writer, but regardless, watching anything that contains Hunter even just talking is interesting half the time, let alone the mass amounts of intriguing information given to the viewer.

The film begins covering some of the smaller work from Hunter and works its way up, from his reporting with the infamous California biker gang the Hell's Angels, to his psychotic drug induced experience in Las Vegas on the search for the "American Dream". Which we know cannot be found in Las Vegas. From the Campaign Trail in 72', through an overwhelming time period of fame, to Hunter's final moments.

The film really defines Gonzo journalism; not always accurate, but stylish, sarcastic, and out right profane. "Creative non-fiction", everything that defines the genius behind Hunter S. Thompson, all the way down to the two-thumbed fist and peyote button. Gonzo gives the interested viewers insight about his life and really offers an abundance of information. This is a sometimes poetic and enlightening feature that goes the extra mile to find and show something we have only read about. Plain and simple, Hunter S. Thompson was a significant icon and leader for a time period that now only exists in memories.

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Taco Bell Volcano Box

Taco Bell Volcano Big Box
I had a Volcano in a box, once. It was for my fourth grade science fair, I think. No, I didn't win. But I did taste it, and from experience, I can tell you that Taco Bell's version of it does indeed have quite a better flavor to it. Less chalky.
Reviewer
Forrest
Categories
Food & Drink
Reviewed by Forrest Boyd
Taco Bell Volcano Big Box
So I just got back from Taco Bell, right? Noticed this new nice-looking Volcano Menu, and I saw it had its own box meal. Now, I've already tried the Volcano Taco and the Volcano Double Beef Burrito individuallly, and they're great. However, both of those already have reviews. So, I'm going to be original (...>_>) and review the box.

It's fairly pricey; the burrito alone costs 3 bucks, and the box is 7 bucks. It's disappointing to see the Volcano Taco's price go up 30 cents since it was introduced a few months back, but the box itself is a deal; the burrito, the taco, another regular crunchy taco, an order of cinnamon twists, and a large dirnk individually go for a little more, but let's not bother with details. The hot factor is obviously something that would attract one to (or adversely, repel one from) the box, and it's definitely existent. Throw in some of Taco Bell's Mild, Hot and Fire sauces and you'll have a hot party in your mouth. Cue snide remarks here.

Now I'm not going to lie. The burrito, while single-handedly being able to fill most stomachs up, is pretty overpriced, and as such, so is the box. However, it's nice for a one-time novelty purchase, or if you're like me and just really like hot foods, you'll be taking full advantage of this thing while it lasts. It should be noted that if you have any complications that would keep you from eating anything spicy, to stay far away from this box. It might not be all that bad, but it's a Volcano Menu for a reason. After you take on the hotness, you'll have a normal taco and some cinnamon twists to cool you down, with a drink to wash it all down. Sweet!

For more detailed reviews on the Volcano Taco and the Volcano Double Beef Burrito, check out Brad's reviews on them at:
Volcano Taco
Volcano Double Beef Burrito

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True Blood (S02E01)

True Blood Season 2 Premiere
After quite a long wait, Alan Ball's True Blood is back for a second season. The first season finale had some pretty big cliffhangers, so unless they're gonna play Lost, this first episode should have some good answers. Allow Matt to enlighten you.
Reviewer
Matt
Categories
TV Shows
Reviewed by Matt Clement
True Blood (S02E01) - "Nothing But The Blood"
So True Blood is back, and with it is all the blood and naughty fun that makes us love this wonderful show. The episode picks up right where season one left off and many questions are answered, one of the biggest being the status of Lafayette. If you have not seen the episode yet I suggest you not read any further. **Spoilers Ahoy** Lafayette is still alive, YES! If you couldn't guess already, Lafayette is one of my favorites on this show. We find him alive, although not necessarily in the best situation: chained up, a prisoner, in some dark, desolate dungeon. He is not alone though; another familiar face is seen down in the hollow, that being the redneck gay basher from the bar in season one. That crazy fella who didn't want AIDS on his burger. As he begins to reflect on his life, Lafayette sits and wonders why he is here. Elsewhere, Sookie is seen screaming her lungs out as usual. The episode opens with her finding a body in the back of Andy's car outside Merlotte’s and the plot of the episode is driven forward with intent to discover the perpetrator. Of course there are the usual suspects, but who knows, this is season two and we all know Alan Ball wont be up to the same old tricks.

Another story line presented in the episode is that of Jason Stackhouse and the Fellowship of The Sun, as well as a quite fascinating look into the mysterious character of Maryann Forrester. If you don't remember her, she is the woman who drives the red convertible and has a knack for helping people, specifically Tara. We learn that Maryann and Sam are old acquaintances. After seeing what happens between them when Sam is a young boy I can only imagine what more is to come. Of course, you can't talk about True Blood without speaking about Bill and Sookie. Their relationship seems to be compromised when Sookie discovers the existence of Jessica, Bill's newbie Vampire; although by the end of the episode there should be no worries about the status of their relationship.

Overall the episode is fantastic. It does a great job of answering a few questions that were still looming from season one and at the same time sets up a whole bunch of new topics to explore in season two. I can not wait to find out what happens next. The writing and acting is on par with season one and if not, almost better. If you have not already watched this season premiere, you need to asap. Whether you're more keen on B+ or O-, you'll love this episode, it is truly awesome.

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