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Mew - No More Stories

Friday, September 03, 2010

If you want to hear some of the most interesting, thorough, and unique music ever, you should probably check out Danish band Mew's newest album. Do it quick though, before the scientists finish working on their bigger, better brother band, Mewtwo.

Reviewer
Brad
Categories
Music

Reviewed by Brad Cook

Mew - No More Stories

I go through a lot of music in a short period of time. I'm always on the hunt for more and different music, from keeping up with what the internet's listening to on we are hunted to downloading user-made indie rock playlists per month. It's an addiction; the more I find, the more I need to find. Every once in a while, though, I'll find a band that'll just dominate my brain and force everything else out for a while. Previous examples have been Phoenix, Florence and the Machine, Yeasayer, Miike Snow, and more.

This latest obsession has taken me a long time to write about for some reason, but I've been listening to this Mew album for the past half year at least, practically non-stop. To be fair, it's a lot to wrap one's head around. Hell, the full name of the album itself is No More Stories / Are Told Today / I'm Sorry / They Washed Away // No More Stories / The World Is Grey / I'm Tired / Let's Wash Away. In which genre(s) do they dabble, you ask? That's kind of a hard one.

My brother once said to me that he finds it hard to believe that humans created the music on No More Stories…. And it's true; the songs on this album are so exquisitely good, it would seem they'd have to be written by one or more machines. The band jokes that they are "the world's only indie stadium band," and their sound is certainly that huge, but that doesn't give them enough credit. Their style is so fresh and different, and honest to god, Mew is probably the only band that's been around for practically two decades that I can say that about. The complex nature of these songs certainly doesn't seem like it should lend itself to easy accessibility, but somehow it does. You might love Mew on the first listen, but nowhere near as much as you're going to once you weave through all the layers of vocals and instrumentation. It's might take you a while, too; these songs are progressive in that they might switch the timing up on you abruptly, or add a few extra beats to a measure.

Aside from the four interlude type tracks, there are ten unbelievable songs for your ears to benefit from on No More Stories, and there's really only one that I don't listen to often ("Cartoons and Macrame Wounds"), and part of that might be because it's over seven minutes. The album opens with "New Terrain," which is practically trance translated into an enormous rock song, which bleeds right into "Introducing Palace Players." This song… is an utter masterpiece. It contains perhaps the best guitar riff I've ever heard in my life, and it amazes me every single time I hear it. It has such a raw feel to it that's so hard to describe until the chorus comes around, when it turns as smooth and flowing as chocolate fountain. "Repeaterbeater" is a short song, one that I initially overlooked, but one that really grew on me. Once I saw the unbelievable music video for that song, though, I never looked back. "Silas the Magic Car" is a gorgeous slow song that washes over you like a wave of bliss, and really lets singer Jonas' vocals shine. "Hawaii" starts out almost tribally, with some punchy percussion and chanted vocals until the towering ambient chorus blasts in and makes love to all your senses, taste included. "Tricks of the Trade" is a rhythmic, moody electronic-esque piano song that you might hear in a club, if clubs were way more awesome than they are. "Sometimes Life Isn't Easy" is practically two songs in one, and is by far one of the catchiest songs on the album with a positive vibe to it, and would be a great closer if not for the "Reprise" that is actually the last track.

Each one of these songs is a beast on its own, and each demands a bunch of listens, if not to fully understand the scope, then just because they're so damn good. It's hard to describe how masterfully crafted these songs are. There's no music I'm looking forward to harder than whatever Mew puts out next, and you'd be a damn fool not to look into this perfect collection of songs. Go listen now.

Keebler Pepper Jack Sandwich Crackers

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Those little flavor-dust filled orange crackers are pretty much a love or hate affair, so which are you? Personally, I'll eat 'em if there's nothing else and I need something to much on. If you're into it, check out this review for a Pepper Jack cheese variety.

Reviewer
Kaitis
Categories
Food & Drink

Reviewed by Michael Kaitis

Keebler Pepper Jack Sandwich Crackers

One of the best culinary revolutions of the 20th century happened to take place in snack form. I speak of course of the square orange crackers that have a vague cheese taste and the dehydrated peanut butter that lays in between them. Whatever kind of master chef/stoned person thought of mixing peanut butter with cheese deserves some sort of nobel prize for food, or at least my handshake. One of the main problems with achieving something so magnificent though, is how everything else seems quite lackluster in comparison.

I assume that plain crackers with peanut butter were a fairly well selling regular until the secret ingredient was found and forever changed up the snack game. In the case of these Pepper Jack crackers, we have something that has the makings of being great, but it just needs that golden touch of a secret ingredient. I'll be the first to admit that I have no idea what it could possibly be either. What seems to need the most work off the bat is the cracker itself. It's rather flour heavy and much drier feeling than most other crackers I've eaten in my life. It's almost as if they took a Saltine cracker, took all the salt out of it, and then dehydrated it. With a spicy cheese filling and a super dry cracker these things should almost come with a mandatory "drink needed to properly ingest" warning printed on them.

The whole reason I would consider these to have the makings of being great though is said spicy cheese filling. Pepper Jack is of course Monterey Jack cheese with bits of jalapeno peppers in it, and it's great melted on everything from burgers to pasta to Sundried Tomato Sun Chips. Unfortunately the whole dehydrating process they put the cheese through makes it a much weaker flavor than its regular counterpart. It really is a cheese that works best with other things, and on top of an already bland cracker the whole package is rather boring, albeit with a decent amount of residual pepper heat.

For some people that may be enough, but I'm looking for a spice to enhance another flavor, not for it to be the entire package. Again this product has a lot to live up to based on how awesome cheese and peanut butter crackers are. For being an acceptable edible product, this easily earns full marks. If you're wondering if it's something exciting and new, well, would you kindly view the score below?

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Monterey Jack and Sun Dried Tomato Sun Chips

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Sun Chips are probably the best chips out there, most of the time. They just came out with a new flavor exclusive to Subway restaurants: Monterey Jack and Sun Dried Tomato. Unfortunately I never go to Subway because their meat sits out all day.

Reviewer
Kaitis
Categories
Food & Drink

Reviewed by Michael Kaitis

Monterey Jack and Sun Dried Tomato Sun Chips

While the biggest movie premieres are at Mann's Chinese Theatre and the best plays hope to open on Broadway, apparently the best place to launch a new flavor of Sun Chips is Subway. It's the second exclusive flavor to the sandwich chain that we've tried; the first was Spicy Chipotle, which was also only found in Subways for a limited time. Honestly, I don't think it's the worst place to launch a chip, Sun Chips are also in the spirit of eating a bit more healthily and Subway is ridiculously popular. Not to mention that they can easily charge a dollar for something that would be less in a gas station or grocery store. At least if you don't feel old enough you can get a nice sandwich at Subway, and also find out that bags of chips have doubled in price since you were last buying lunch in 5th grade.

So let's call this next paragraph a segment, and this segment we'll call First Chip, First Thoughts. Drumroll please… spaghetti sauce. Yep. The overwhelming tomato flavor is both rich and bold, but the Monterey Jack cheese mixes it up with some creaminess, reminding me very much of an ideal marinara sauce for some pasta. The whole grain takes the place of a whole wheat pasta or wheat breadsticks destined for dipping.

I'm not really a big tomato fan short of pasta sauce and ketchup. I don't even dip things in marinara. I was even told by the Subway employee they were bad so I wasn't expecting to like these at all, which makes it even that much harder to believe that I like this flavor. It's another unique and interesting taste creation from a chip company that we're finally getting to see more of. I would even guess that the score on these would be higher if someone who actually liked tomatoes were to score them. The cheese is even subtle enough that I know Mason would eat them, and he's the only person I know who infamously loathes cheese. Let's just hope Sun Chips keeps pushing unique flavor combinations and that next year's flavor lives up to their high standard.

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Ra Ra Riot - The Orchard

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I listened to The Orchard without having heard Ra Ra Riot's debut album, so once I found out they weren't a silly punk band I had no idea what to expect. What I least expected, though, was to find lush orchestra backdrops and falsetto singing.

Reviewer
Brad
Categories
Music

Reviewed by Brad Cook

Ra Ra Riot - The Orchard

Ra Ra Riot always sounded to me like a punk band with too much feigned swag, so I always avoided listening to them. I could just imagine Brody Dalle of The Distillers hanging over the lead singer's shoulder, screaming into the mic along with him, both of them doing the Hot Topic special, rocking liberty spikes and tons of studded apparel. Shows what an idiot I am for judging a book by its cover. When I saw that NPR was streaming their new album, The Orchard, I thought what the hell, I'll give 'em a shot. What I heard certainly caught me off guard.

Turns out that they're not really a punk band at all. Upbeat rock, sure, but punk bands would never sing about love, and they certainly wouldn't utilize a string section. Wes Miles' falsetto would probably cause a punk band to kick his ass. But anyway, their sound is interesting to say the least. They weave together slinky basslines, orchestral swells, swirls, and runs, pop synth, and jangly, note-based guitar playing with Miles' versatile voice to string it all together into one large quilt of impressive and unique music.

With all that, you might think their music might be a bit overwhelming or cluttered. Well, you'd think wrong. Ra Ra Riot has powerful, full songs, as well as very minimalist, almost barebones sounding songs, which is an interesting and frankly useful duality to be able to call upon as a band. They have songs where each instrument seems to be playing its own song, and songs when every instrument is in perfect harmony. It's pretty refreshing to hear a band that will take their sound wherever their sound takes them.

The opening swell of the string section at the beginning of the title track, "The Orchard," sets the mood for the entire album - it has a longing, almost nostalgic feel and fades in hesitantly, almost weakly. The vocals float in on a raincloud that turns from a drizzle to a pour as the song goes on. "Boy" starts out sounding so much like Tim and Eric's fabulous song "Sports" that I laugh every time I hear it, but in all seriousness, it's a fantastically upbeat, catchy song that'll getcha moving. "You and I Know" is a lovely synthy pop song with vocals by the band's cello player, Alexandra Lawn, who I'm going to go stare at for half an hour. Okay, back. "Do You Remember" is my favorite song off The Orchard. It was produced by Rostam from Vampire Weekend, which makes sense when you listen to the rich crescendo of vocals, background vocals, and strings at the end.

The Orchard is comprised of ten finely crafted, dense indie pop-rock songs, and because of that some of it might take you a few listens to really get into it, but give it the time it deserves because it's a rewarding listen all the way through. I haven't heard their debut album, The Rhumb Line, but I'm definitely going to listen now.

Starcraft 2

Friday, August 27, 2010

Basically every nerd and every Korean kid on Earth has been dying for a sequel to the original classic Starcraft. Now that Blizzard is done trying to force us all to reveal our real identities on the internet for no reason, they had time to make one up!

Reviewer
Nick
Categories
Games

Reviewed by Nick Graham

Starcraft 2

The wait is over, Starcraft is back and it’s better than ever. Now before we get started I am confident in telling you that if you like the RTS genre you will like Starcraft II. If you already played Starcraft and Brood Wars then I’m already assuming that you’ve bought this game. But if you have never played Starcraft or its expansion then read on and I’ll tell you the reason you should buy Blizzard's newest game.

Starcraft II deviates from the formula of its past. Instead of three racial campaigns in one game, Blizzard is splitting the series up into three campaigns across three separate games. Now before you get up in arms about this change of format you should know that you are getting a full game, no half-assed efforts here. Blizzard has taken advantage of larger disc space by expanding the Starcraft world. In between each mission you go back to your mother ship, the Hyperion. The Hyperion is divided into four rooms. You have the engineering bay where you purchase upgrades for you units and structures with credits earned from completing missions. There is the bridge, where you choose the next planet to go to and the next mission to engage. There is the tech lab, where you gain access to two unique tech trees that give you a variety of upgrades ranging from better stats to new units. This tech tree is divided into a Protoss and Zerg section, each providing you with two choices for each tier of upgrades. To gain research points you must complete side objectives that are offered on most missions. Finally there is the cantina which contains a tv that plays dominion propaganda against you and most importantly, mercenaries.

I am happy to report that the missions in Starcraft II are both interesting and varied. In fact one of the coolest missions I’ve had to do was one where I must steal a sacred relic from some Protoss. Sounds simple right? Until you get to the part where there is a giant wall of flame that will burn you and the entire map if you don’t hurry up and get that artifact. It is obstacles like this that keep the game from becoming tedious and repetitive, which can be a danger in an RTS campaign. For any of you who are disappointed that you will not have a Zerg or Protoss campaign yet, you should be pleased to know that you are given four Protoss missions in the form of a memory crystal from the Zeratul and they are cool.

While I have yet to finish the campaign I can say that the story is good. One of the coolest things Blizzard has done to engage you in the story is adding cut scenes you can activate on the Hyperion. This feature adds a bit of depth to the characters that may give you second thoughts when you decide to screw one member over in a mission because you get a cooler looking reward. All in all I can say that Starcraft II is something you should play if you enjoy a good RTS game. Did it take a long time to come out? Sure, but what was produced was well worth the wait.

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Cherry Punch Kazoozles

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Kaitis is right when he says that Willy Wonka doesn't get enough credit for what he does. Like, how the hell did he know that Charlie and Grandpa Joe drank Fizzy-Lifting Drink?? And I'm still waiting on that three-course meal gum, Mr. Wonka.

Reviewer
Kaitis
Categories
Food & Drink

Reviewed by Michael Kaitis

Cherry Punch Kazoozles

If you stop and think about it, no one on the planet gives Willy Wonka enough credit. The only person who can make up words as creative as him was Dr. Seuss, and I'm sure his Wonktionary makes Beck jealous on a daily basis. He manages to employ the cheapest labor staff this side of the Atlantic and still manages to fend of that meddling Slugworth and his Team Fortress 2-like never-ending army of spies. Then after you add in all of the time he spends cleaning fat German kids out of chocolate tubes, it's a wonder that he ever gets any work done. It's amazing that none of this even seems to slow down the Mad Hatter of candy, because he's yet again created a unique, delicious candy that is easily on par with any of his other greatest hits.

While it may have a unique name, and a fairly unique taste, the overall idea is not entirely unfamiliar. I bought them mostly because they looked like the delicious Twizzlers Sweet and Sour Filled Twists we had a few months back, but they differ just about everywhere else. The outside is harder than a Starburst or even a gummy, but is much softer than licorice, which sets it apart from Twizzlers instantly. Another Wonkaccomplishment of this candy is its textures. It doesn't feel exactly like any other candies I can think of, settling somewhere in the few I described. Even more odd is the filling which has noticeable grit when tried by itself; it honestly makes toothpaste seem smooth. Even though I agree that doesn't sound like the most appealing thing, it works well as a whole package of taste and texture.

That's all we eat candy for, right? "Sugar boosts" are almost a joke in this day and age where almost everything has the option of having caffeine in it. A delicious flavor is all we ask for out of a good candy, and these crazy-named bastards couldn't have done much of a better job. The Cherry smell is almost overwhelming when you first open the package, and the flavor is a very rich, almost black cherry like taste. Mixed with the aforementioned gritty internal paste, the awful texture of the goop is unnoticeable except for the hint of sour it adds. It rounds out the package nicely with some extra fruit flavors allowing it to live up to its description of "Cherry Punch." Like I said, it's up there with Gobstoppers, Nerds, and other Wonka classics when it comes to being a full package of awesomeness. I hope it speaks for itself that I've bought it multiple times, I'm just disappointed I can't find the "Pink Lemonade" variety.

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Lebanon

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I knew a girl from Lebanon once in middle school. At first I was kind of amazed because I had no clue what Lebanon was at the time, but then she really started talking a lot, so the novelty sorta wore off. And then this movie was made and Marco reviewed it.

Reviewer
Marco
Categories
Movies

Reviewed by Marco Duran

Lebanon

“Man is steel. The tank is only iron.” On July 12, 2006, conflict began between Israel and Lebanon. It began when Hezbollah soldiers fired rockets into Israel and blew up two armored Humvees patrolling the Israeli side of the border. Three soldiers died. Two other soldiers were taken by Hezbollah into Lebanon. Israel responded and for 34 days they carried out air strikes and rolled into Lebanon with tanks and foot soldiers. The writer/director of Lebanon, Samuel Maoz, was himself a gunner in one of those tanks, so this is a sort-of autobiography of his experiences. You can feel that placing this story on paper and on celluloid was a form therapy for Samuel. He places us, as the audience, in the dark, dank, cold, putrid, unwelcoming pit of a monster that he knows all too well. And because the camera never leaves the inside of that tank, save for two small book-ending scenes, he shows us what it felt like to be sequestered in those claustrophobic spaces only understanding the outside world via what we see through the gunner’s scope.

A single tank is sent into a small town that has already been bombed by the Israeli Air Force. Inside the tank are four young men: Herzel (Oshri Cohen), the loader; Assi (Itay Tiran), the commander; Yigal (Michael Moshonov), the driver; and Shmuel (Yoav Donat), the gunner. For all of them, this is their first taste of war. The first day of fighting pushes all four of these men past anything they were trained for. For who can be trained to fire on unarmed civilians, to plow their way through streets that just hours before teemed with life, to see the blood and havoc that war creates and not let it change and effect their humanity.

The other film that is constantly being brought up when one speaks of Lebanon is Waltz With Bashir, the foreign picture Oscar contender of 2008. Both of them deal with the same war and the same psychological trauma it inflicted on its soldiers, but in wholly different ways. This film showed me an entirely new angle to war, one I had not seen in any war film. The closest comparison that comes to mind is the German film Das Boot but even in that film the sense of confinement doesn’t feel this suffocating. It is impressive that I felt the same heart-pounding, dizzying feeling I got from the first twenty minutes of Saving Private Ryan from sections of this film and, as I’ve said, the camera never leaves the inside of the tank.

When the gunner is looking out his scope, we get to see some sunshine. We get to see a family torn apart. We get to see a soldier bleed out. We get to see inside a travel agency and have a weird feeling in the pits of our stomachs as the crosshairs of the cannon rests upon a picture of the Twin Towers. Most times with any slight movement the turret moans and creaks in protest, but as with any gimmick there are other times when this is cheated, when empathy is being attempted and the whirrs and clanks would get in the way, so they are left out all together. Apart from this story-necessary hitch, the rest of the sound design makes it feel like the world is about to come crushing down around us. The only real gripe I have is that the score is sometimes misaligned and did not add to what I was watching. However, that is a small quibble for a film I honestly and whole-heartedly respect.

The first thing that struck me as I was watching this film was how confident the filmmaking felt. For only being the second film that Samuel Maoz has ever directed and first one written, you can feel how much he knew this story and exactly how best to portray it. He was able to take what could have been a gimmick and made it impressive. If I may venture to read more into it than may be there, it showed how myopic the “war machine” is. The young men, specifically the gunner, can’t really see most of the destruction that their shells are creating. One of God’s little blessings. Just as the people who sit in plush chairs and push pens across paper to declare war cannot see the destruction they cause. Like I said, that may not be what Samuel was going for, but it feels apropos.

Stadium Nacho Doritos

Monday, August 23, 2010

Doritos' Madden inspired chips come in two varieties: Tailgater BBQ, which I absolutely loved, and Stadium Nacho, which I'm just now checking out. Fritos came out with their delicious Ballpark Nacho variety recently, so these have a lot to live up to. Do they?

Reviewer
Brad
Categories
Food & Drink

Reviewed by Brad Cook

Stadium Nacho Doritos

So hey you guys remember back when I reviewed the manliest chips ever, right? The ones that taste like a good day's huntin'? Well, that was only one of the two Madden NFL '11 inspired Doritos flavors. Aside from Tailgater BBQ, the other new flavor is Stadium Nacho. I know, I know, they already have a Nacho flavored chip, aptly named Nacho Cheese. Well, Stadium Nacho chips taste a little different, in a few key aspects.

I think the goal for the Nacho Cheese Doritos was just for them to taste like straight up cheese; oh, and to make your hands oranger than Cheetos can. This is not the case for Stadium Nacho Doritos. It seems that for the Madden inspired flavors, Doritos has really tried to nail the specifics. The Tailgater BBQ Doritos taste, in my opinion, exactly like BBQ Pork, which is something I've never experienced in another chip - that level of specific and accurate flavor. So I was expecting the Stadium Nacho Doritos to be spot on as well, and for the most part it is.

The first taste I really noticed when eating these Stadium Nacho Doritos is the corn flavor of the chip. They really nailed the taste of a ballpark corn chip, a subtle but important aspect of stadium nachos, which makes the whole experience that much more authentic. The rest of the flavor space is inhabited by a mild blend of nacho cheese (albeit more genuine than Nacho Cheese Doritos) with a wee hint of jalapeño, plus a zesty kick. If you're not paying much attention you might find that the flavor of Stadium Nacho Doritos falls squarely in between Nacho Cheese and Cooler Ranch flavors, which I guess isn't that bad.

Compared to Tailgater BBQ, however, and more accurately compared to Fritos' recent Ballpark Nacho variety, Stadium Nacho Doritos crumble like a sacked QB, or Brett Favre if he's losing or sees a baby deer. The flavor just isn't bold enough. Maybe the Tailgater BBQ Doritos spoiled me, but I was expecting more from these chips, and I wasn't given it. They're decent chips, and I applaud the subtle flavors, but they're perpetually silver medal.

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Red Baron Chicken Alfredo Pan Pasta

Thursday, August 19, 2010

I don't understand why a company would name themselves after a German fighter pilot in WWI, especially when trying to sell food. I guess they just take advantage of the fact that the public has no memory, and maybe his association with Snoopy, too.

Reviewer
Brad
Categories
Food & Drink

Reviewed by Brad Cook

Red baron Chicken Alfredo Pan Pasta

I've been eating Red Baron frozen pizzas since I was a kid. If it wasn't Tony's or Reggio's (which I haven't had in like a decade… guess it's more of a Chicago thing), it was surely that fearless flier that would be heading into the oven that night. As far as frozen pizzas go, Red Baron isn't a bad option; my only problem with the brand is that they use forests of herbs that get stuck in my teeth and add nothing to the taste. But hey, some people like that, I guess.

Anyway, with all these pizza businesses getting into the pasta business (most notably Dominos' Bread Bowl Pastas), it's only natural that the frozen brands would try to emulate their franchise-owning competition. Thus, Red Baron Pan Pasta was borne. There are three flavors: Chicken Alfredo, Rotini with Meat Sauce, and clearly the best, Mac and Cheese with Bacon. If I'd seen the other two at the store I would've grabbed 'em, but I didn't, so all I got to try was the Chicken Alfredo, which honestly isn't too bad a thing to settle for.

When you open it up, it's kinda funny because everything is frozen into a sort of slab of pasta, chicken, and sauce. You could practically use it as a baseball bat, or have your little brother in karate kick it in half. But anyway, you'd think this thing would have to bake for like an hour like those Stouffer's lasagnas and macaroni platters, but it actually only takes about 30 minutes. Not too bad a wait for a decent amount of pasta, and it is that. It could probably feed three to five kids, or two to four adults.

I'll start describing the taste by saying it's obviously not the highest quality Alfredo sauce. It's a bit bland and perhaps too cheesy to truly be Alfredo, but that doesn't make it bad. There is an ample amount of sauce, too, it doesn't bake away or anything. It really is obvious that a pizza company makes this pasta, though. The large amount of grease that simmers around the pasta when you cook it, as well as the stringy mozzarella sauce really give it a less authentic, "cheap" feel. But I doubt authenticity is what you're looking for when in the market for frozen pasta. The chicken is slightly suspicious; some pieces feel kinda meaty and real, but others feel loose and processed, like McNuggets. Tastes like chicken, though. The whole pasta is about 1800 calories, so depending on how much of it you eat, you're looking at half to a third of your recommended daily intake, so it's not the lightest meal. At about $7, it's not too bad of a buy. It tasted pretty good, and I like it enough to want to find the Mac and Cheese with Bacon, so nice job Red Baron.

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Big Lake (S01E01)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Big Lake is a new Comedy Central show that was supposed to star Jon Heder, aka Napoleon Dynamite, but he dropped out shortly before filming, so they got some guy no one knows. And Horatio Sanz and Chris Parnell, 'cause they aren't in enough already.

Reviewer
Kaitis
Categories
TV Shows

Reviewed by Michael Kaitis

Big Lake (S01E01) - "Josh Comes Home"

When Comedy Central announced plans for a new show starring Jon Heder, I was pretty thrilled. If you read the interwebs often enough though you know he dropped out a few days before they started filming. What managed to keep me interested was SNL alums Horatio Sanz and Chris Parnell. I won't lie, if a comedian I like is in a show, I'll watch it. See my reviews for Childrens Hospital and Players just for a few examples. I drop more names than Diddy rapping about his new tequila company. Jesus, just attempting to make that pop culture reference made me feel old and out of touch.

My first question is why in god's name is this in sitcom format? The lead actors are all improv veterans and the show feels more like How I Met Your Mother or some other CBS sitcom. On top of it all the show appears to have a laugh track, because judging from the pauses during dialogue and set design there's no way that this is filmed before a live studio audience. I half expected everyone to cheer when Sanz as "the best friend" walked through the front door. Beside my predisposition for him and Parnell, I found most of the characters to be slightly unlikeable and worst of all fairly bad actors. Most of the dialogue felt stiff and completely unnatural, especially given the already strange timing from the laugh track.

The story just feels sloppily put together, with a few outrageous things thrown in for some wacky humor. Entire plot arcs and character introductions are done with a few sentences. Trying to cover the overall plot of the show, plus the two subplots was way too much, and left me caring for none of it. Most of this may not seem too important in a comedy series, but it really prevented me from being more interested. I didn't even want to watch the second episode, even though it aired the same night. Overall the sense of humor on this show seems rather lowest common denominator, and is one of the biggest let downs in new television shows this year, especially considering it's a McKay-Ferrell creation. Thanks for bringing back Futurama, Comedy Central but I'll have to pass on this one.

Blood Energy Potion

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I was never one of those kids who liked to suck their own blood, whether they did it 'cause they thought it was cool or because they were actually weird enough to like it is beyond me, but here's something that should satiate those little weirdos.

Reviewer
David
Categories
Food and Drink

Reviewed by David Woolridge

Blood Energy Potion

Okay, maybe it's time to finally admit I am a little crazy. I mean, usually people freak out at the thought of a transfusion packet full of any kind of blood, and I myself am no exception. I can't stand blood or needles or hospitals or much of anything in that regard. And yet, here I sit, poised with yet -another- transfusion packet full of what claims to be blood. But, naturally, it's an energy drink! Don your capes and clean out those coffins - it's time to drink Blood Energy Potion.

Now, if you remember my last foray into the blood-drinking business, suffice it to say it was not pleasant. The Zombie variant of this crimson-colored caffeine trip was below mediocre at its best, but I thankfully decided to grab a packet of each to try out for everyone. The packaging retains its aesthetic charm, with "great for humans and vampires" and "totally kosher" on the labeling, along with the promise of a fruit punch flavoring. The packet recommends you enjoy at a steaming 98.6 degrees, but-- who are we kidding-- it's 103 outside and there's no way I'm doing that. So I froze it, let it thaw a bit, and made it into a wine-cooleresque slushie, as I did with the Zombie Blood.

Now then, the all-important taste test. Blood Energy manages to deliver where its spinoff did not -- upon my first curious sip, I immediately tasted a rather delicious fruit punch flavor, easy and refreshing on my tongue. After I swallowed, the iron and proteins kicked in, giving it the strong aftertaste of real blood, which... well, wasn't that pleasant. But it made me take another, long swig, and the aftertaste was worth it. I didn't get much of a caffeine buzz from it, despite it having a similar 80ml of caffeine (about 4 hours), but I was wide awake and plenty alert when I tried it, so maybe that had an effect.

All in all, I enjoyed my delicious energy potion, though it is definitely not something I'd drink every day; not only because I'd feel like I was robbing someone of their precious O-, but because the harsh aftertaste just really subtracts from what could've been an amazingly awesome prop drink. Still, if you gotta have something that'll make you look cool and that you can actually afford to gross your friends out with, look no further: this'll do just fine.

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Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Monday, August 16, 2010

Only during Scott Pilgrim vs. the World will you witness Arrested Development's banana stand Bluth boy George Michael partake in fisticuffs against his once love and creator of the "mayonegg" - Ann Veal. Trust me; your satisfaction levels will easily exceed 9000.

Reviewer
Ben
Categories
Movies

Reviewed by Ben Cordes

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Do you like action films? How about romantic comedies? Kung-fu ninjas, 90s video games, quasi musicals, and comic books? Well get this: Scott Pilgrim is a 22-year-old bass guitarist and all around awesome guy, especially when it comes to battling foes. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World begins with our Canadian protagonist dating Knives Chau [17 Years Old], but Scott really wants to date Ramona Flowers, an American ninja delivery girl [Everything: Unknown]. In order to win her heart, Scott must defeat Ramona's seven evil exes. Using his epic will and perfect confidence, Scott Pilgrim takes on the world, battling psychic vegans, Japanese twins, "pretty good" actors, bi-furious bitches, and sword-wielding assholes. Brian Lee O'Malley's graphic novel series got exactly the treatment it deserved from director Edgar Wright, who lifted the chronicles of Scott Pilgrim from the comic's pages and transformed them into a cinematic spectacle that tears the world a new hole.

The story of Scott Pilgrim begins with the telling of his precious little life, wherein Scott dates Knives and plays bass guitar for Sex Bob-omb. No sooner than our hero meets and awkwardly greets the mysterious Ramona Flowers does he find himself up against her vicious baggage. Scott then endures an infinite sadness at the hands of his bittersweet past before finally getting himself together. As if the world wasn't enough, Scott soon faces a wealth of new challenges, courtesy of the universe. In his finest hour, Scott conquers all (himself included) and ends up on the brink of an entirely new adventure. The epic saga holds a steady thumb over an entire generation of lovers, gamers, musicians, and the occasional vegan. Both action and humor are derived from parodying critical elements of various video game realms, such as subspace doors, save points, extra lives, level-ups, and pee bars. When Brian Lee O'Malley's characters aren't encountering these oddities, the succinct exchanges of dialogue have readers wondering how O'Malley manages to consistently convey strong emotion with minimal text.

Making that leap from paper back to silver screen can often prove detrimental to the content being adapted, and thankfully such is not the case for Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. O'Malley's characters are immediately discernible, their graphic novel counterparts fully embodied by the actors who needn't even speak for you to ascertain who's who. I can't think of a better candidate for Scott Pilgrim than Michael Cera, who not only looks the part of a boyish mid-twenties Canadian; he gives extra life to the self-involved slacker. The truly beautiful part about Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is it doesn't have to be prefaced by reading the comics in order to be appreciated. Any old schmoe can walk into the theater unawares and leave two hours later with a firm grasp on Brian Lee O'Malley's creations (brought to you by Edgar Wright and company). Pilgrim fans won't come away disappointed, either, as Wright packed the film with as much Scottness as possible. Even the movie's shooting prior to the final book being released didn't prevent the film from delivering a satisfying ending.

As much as I'm a fan of the film's comic stylings, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World isn't a universally appreciable cup of tea. The sporadic appearances of various headers and footnotes, which often serve the movie's humor output levels well, can occasionally confuse or complicate an otherwise ordinary moment. Such is the nature of the style choice, however, and more often than not, the witty and timely nature of these pop-ups complements the story, forming a fresh narrative device. Every time "vs." flashed across the screen, I'd feel a shiver of anticipation. The film is constantly shifting between various mechanics of comic books, too, so the delivery never comes off stale. Perhaps the only disappointing moment in an otherwise beat-for-beat comic book recital was the limited screen time endured by the Katayanagi twins, whose army of random robots was replaced by giant computer generated dragons. An epic battle between bands did ensue, but the whole sixth act felt like a rush to the final boss.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World represents the pinnacle achievement in capturing the essence of a generation's comic series and delivering that premium storytelling via the medium of film. Children of Nintendo and MTV may be the film's primary target, but Edgar Wright's unusual direction and mashed up storytelling make the film stand out like a gleaming save point amidst a field of conquered enemies. The film is fast paced, action packed, and a tad more musical than you might expect. While the quirk and quick wit may be a turn off for certain audiences, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is undeniably the summer's best thrill this side of Inception.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: The Game (PSN)

Friday, August 13, 2010

All the hipsters are hyping Scott Pilgrim up like the tweens hype Twilight, so you know it's gonna be one of them pop culture-y cult favorite movies. Scott Pilgrim the game resembles old 2-d sidescrollers like Streets of Rage, so how bad can it be?

Reviewer
David
Categories
Games

Reviewed by David Woolridge

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: The Game (PSN)

WARNING – This review will explain the main storyline of the Scott Pilgrim tale. As such, there are probably going to be SPOILERS ABOUND and if you don’t like that, just know that this game is all kinds of awesome and it is worth way more than it’s being sold for. 6 of 7. Go get it.

So, guys, who out there remembers River City Ransom? Streets of Rage? Anyone? They were two of the most prolific side-scrolling beat ‘em ups known to man back in the day, and man, were they awesome. And joining their ranks in 2010 is this neat little nerdgasmic love story about a guy, his friends, and the love of his life, locked in a struggle with the ex-loves of her life in order to win her love and be the coolest guy ever. That’s right, Scott Pilgrim is here, and in convenient pixel form, in the movie game Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: The Game!

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Oh, this is that movie thing. Well, that must mean it sucks. Never mind, forget this review; I’m going back to waiting for (insert game here).” Well, stop that and listen to me rant on it. First up is the plot: Scott Pilgrim, bassist for the band Sex Bob-Omb and all-around badass (seriously, his rating is “Awesome”), meets up with a girl named Ramona Flowers at a party, and instantly, he falls for her. However, there was a bit of fine print he didn’t get the memo on; Ramona’s got quite a bit of baggage in the form of seven - yes, seven - evil ex-boyfriends (well, 6 boys and one girl), and in order to win Ramona’s heart, Scott’s gotta take ‘em all down. With the help of Kim Pine, Scott’s very unenthusiastic ex-girlfriend and drummer for the band, Ramona Flowers herself, and Stephen Stills, the band’s lead singer and Scott’s roommate, he kicks, punches and throws trash cans all over Toronto to find, challenge, and defeat every last Evil Ex to get him some lovin’ at the end of the day.

The gameplay is your standard 2d beat ’em up fare: you pick a character, you pick a stage, and you run out kicking and screaming down a 2d street/hall/whatever punching anything stupid enough to get in your way in the face. Each character has their own unique moveset, despite their playstyles handling the same, and each character’s stats are handled individually. You’ll have HP (Hit Points) to tell you how much health you have, and GP (Gut Points) for your Super Attacks and for summoning Scott’s other ex-girlfriend, Knives Chau, for an assist attack or support move that’s unique to every character. GP is also useful in that when your HP hits 0, a bit of it will be converted to HP to let you fight on without losing a life. Making the game unique is a leveling system that teaches you new moves as you lay the smackdown on your enemies, and beating them up nets you sweet Canadian cash to buy stat upgrades and food to increase your strength, speed, defense, and so forth, kind of like an RPG. The environments are highly interactive: see something that looks like it could be a weapon? It probably is. Everything from snowballs to bus stop signs to recycling bins can be picked up and thrown, or just used until it breaks on an enemy’s skull. Hell, you can even pick up fallen enemies and beat people with them! How hardcore is that? There are only a few glaring problems that keep me from giving this game a perfect score: firstly, when soloing, it can get really tough really fast. The difficulty settings are essentially “How often does the AI actually initiate an attack,” making the difference between the three just barely noticeable. It takes a while for you to get the money you need for the real stat boosters, so you’ll find yourself grinding for coin a lot through the game. It’s very, very obvious this is a multiplayer game, and it can be overwhelming or downright frustrating when you can’t land a blow. I’ve also had problems with the music sometimes not loading and a game freeze, which was really, really lame.

On the plus side, though, the graphics are stylish, way over-the-top, and vibrant, and there are pop culture and genre references all over the place, giving the game that classic arcade feel without losing its own charm. The Survival Horror extra mode, a zombie-smashing 1-life run accessible with a special code on the title screen, is a blast, and a great way to milk experience and money for Story Mode. The soundtrack, made by prolific chiptune band Anamanaguchi, is worth your money alone; the crisp, quick bleeps and bloops strung over strong guitar play just oozes retro style, and for regular listeners to Anamana’s work, it’s easily their best. Yes, I listen to Power Supply religiously. It’s even better than that. Every song fits the moment it’s played in, and you’ll be jamming for weeks every time you think about it. Don’t believe me? Go look up “Another Winter” on Youtube. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Back with me? Okay. Wrapping up, even without online play, Scott Pilgrim: The Game is an absolutely amazing game, based on an amazing story, and I will never, ever be able to sing its praises loud enough. Every nook and cranny of this game exudes 100% pure distilled kick-assitude, and at $9.99, it’s an absolute steal. Good gameplay, great graphics and music, and truly epic beat-‘em-up goodness awaits, and the best part? No quarters required. If you’re a Scott Pilgrim fan, get this game, you have no excuse at all. If you like retro action, get this game, you have little excuse. If you like beating things up, get this game, your excuses make you a weakling. And even if you don’t, get it anyway—it makes a great little arcade addition to any gamer’s library. Scott Pilgrim: The Game has its letdowns, but it still manages to more than live up to its titular character’s rating: Awesome.

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Childrens Hospital Season 1

Thursday, August 12, 2010

If working at a hospital was anywhere near as fun as Childrens Hospital and Scrubs made it look, I'd quit college right now and go enroll in a nursing school. But only if I could work for a guy that always wore clown face paint; who could take him seriously?

Reviewer
Kaitis
Categories
TV Shows

Reviewed by Michael Kaitis

Childrens' Hospital Season 1

Remember the Writers Guild of America strike? While that single handedly screwed up entire seasons of TV shows (30 Rock, Lost, and The Office just to name a few) it did manage to give us a few great projects from what was almost a dark age of entertainment. The amazing Joss Whedon helmed Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog is a rather noteworthy entry. But more importantly Rob Corrdry put together one of the best gathering of comedians on one show: the outrageous, absurd, and extremely funny Childrens Hospital.

Taking place at the aptly named Childrens' Hospital, which doesn't necessary only take child patients, but is named after a Dr. Childrens. Its main premise is not just to spoof medical dramas like ER and Grey's Anatomy, but more so to point out how outlandish those shows are in the first place. The entire first season contains a constant internal monologue by comedienne Lake Bell who plays a nurse, often thinking about what direction her "brain jelly" is going to steer her in next. The absurdity continues around the entire hospital. Corddry's character is constantly in clown makeup and swears only by the "healing power of laughter," and Megan Mullally plays the chief of surgery who uses a walker due to multiple sclerosis.

Rob Huebel, Erinn Hayes, and Ken Marino round out the reoccurring cast, but as if the main cast wasn't strong enough the guest stars are a who's who from all over the comedy spectrum. It ranges from Ron Swanson himself, Nick Offerman to Jason Sudeikis, A.D. Miles, David Wain, Nick Kroll, Ed Helms, and even the hilarious deadpan of Michael Cera's voice doing hospital announcements. I don't even think there's enough time in the show to fit more people I like in it. Which brings us to one of the biggest drawbacks of this show - the first season is made up of only ten 5 minute episodes. And as much as I hate that, no episode ever feels slow and there's almost too many laughs in the episodes.

There are plenty of jokes at the expense of sick children and people with disabilities so if you're one to take offense, well, learn to take a joke you asshole. Chances are though if any of those names ring a bell then you're probably one who won't be bothered by it. Picking up this indie-comedy gem is one of the smartest moves from [adult swim] in a long time. Season one's re-runs just finished this past Sunday, with Season 2 premiering this Sunday at 10:30. If you like plenty of absurdity in your comedy like I do, then this show is a must see. And worse comes to worst, you can watch the entire first season and still not spend more than 1 hour on it. Although if you don't think this show is funny, I hear they re-run Two and a Half Men 7 days a week on UPN. You can keep watching Charlie Sheen playing a character named Charlie, but there's no better character in fiction than Ed Helms as Dr. Ed Helms.

Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Kaitis has recently become a Scott Pilgrim-ite, converted from his earlier Kick-Ass days, so he served up a review for the recent conclusion to the Scott Pilgrim series, Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour. In the last entry he finally fights Gideon Gordon Graves.

Reviewer
Kaitis
Categories
Books

Reviewed by Michael Kaitis

Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour

I haven't been on board the entire time, but I would say reading all of Scott Pilgrim was the best idea I've ever had since I was born and thought that maybe I should try breathing. The book series is so brilliantly written by an independent writer named Brian Lee O'Malley, who proves time and again that comic books can be smart and witty on top of being a fun ride. The series was a 6 year journey that ended July 20th, 2010 with the release of this book, and has a feature film adaptation coming this Friday starring the ever-so-likeable Mikey Cera as Scott. And while I'm sure it'll be much more faithful than the Kick-Ass adaptation, it still won't be able to come close to touching the charm and depth of this amazing graphic novel inspired manga.

Finest Hour has some of the best jokes in the series, but it also has the darkest tone of them all. I liked how much of it took place inside characters' heads, but it was much different to them spending time walking around the city doing normal things. A lot of that was made up for in the beginning of the book though - anytime Scott goes somewhere with Wallace the scene is always hilarious and fun. While all of the fantasy brought us weird things like Ramonas thoughts, without it we wouldn't have brilliant things like the "Memory Cam" which was not only funny, but changed the perspective of the entire series.

Finally we get to know Gideon Gordon Graves who, as you may know, is the final evil ex-boyfriend. He brings a hilarious combination of passive-aggressive attitude to the fight opting for sarcasm more often than anger. A role which I know will be played perfectly by Jason Schwartzman. Although we've been waiting on the subsequent fight for a while now, it still doesn't disappoint, taking a few twists and turns that I wasn't expecting at all. Gideon's not in the book for that long, but O'Malley has done the best job keeping him a main character, yet still elusive and ominous.

If you're nerdy enough to be reading comics in the first place, chances are you like video games, at least the classics. Which is hands down my favorite aspect of this series. In fact, I've read this book a few times and I know there are references I haven't picked up on still. Gideon's "Chaos Theatre" is from the SNES game "Earthbound," a game I openly consider to be my favorite from the console. I will admit I facepalmed when I read about it on the internet, because even though I love that game, it's just impossible to notice every single reference to it. Sometimes even the obvious ones. If there are any faults at all to this book and the series, it's that they're too rich, too in depth, and it will take you a lifetime to fully get every reference. And that is by no means a problem. There's everything to love about the series, and not one thing I could hate. Let's just hope the movie can live up to the book and its incredibly high standards.

Wendy's Asiago Ranch Chicken Club

Monday, August 09, 2010

Every time I eat asiago bread from Panera or elsewhere, I wish I had more asiago cheese to put on everything. Luckily, Wendy's has sliced some up for us, but only if you dare to try their new Asiago Ranch Chicken Club, which is a dare I'm willing to take.

Reviewer
Brad
Categories
Food & Drink

Reviewed by Brad Cook

Wendy's Asiago Ranch Chicken Club

Wendy's is actually doing a surprisingly good job when it comes to new food items as of recently. They had that Bacon and Blue burger, then they came out with four new salads which unfortunately don't do anything for me but are new regardless, and now there's this new Asiago Ranch Chicken Club sandwich. They also advertise the Ultimate Grilled Chicken sandwich as being a new item, but according to Kaitis, that's an item they've had on their menu for quite some time, just re-marketed with a new name. Don't be duped.

The Asiago Ranch Chicken Club sandwich will run ya the same price as any other Wendy's premium chicken sandwich, coming in at an insane $4.98, yes, for the sandwich alone. The makeup of the sandwich is pretty self-explanatory - chicken, ranch sauce, asiago cheese, bacon, lettuce, and tomato. A simple chicken club with a few tweaked items. The chicken was actually really good quality; it was clearly a full chicken breast, and the breading wasn't too greasy or overpowering in taste. You'd expect the bacon on a $5 sandwich to be of a pretty decent quality, and it is just that, decent. The kaiser roll, as usual, is soft and tasty and blankets the rest of the food well. The sandwich is bigger than I was expecting, and about as filling as you can hope for a fast food chicken sandwich.

The real kick of the sandwich of course, is the cheese. It's surprising how a simple slice of asiago cheese can flip the taste of the sandwich upside down, but combined with the tangy ranch sauce (which actually kinda just tastes like Hidden Valley Buttermilk ranch), it really does put a new spin on the chicken sandwich. If you've never had asiago cheese, it's kinda like what would come out if provolone and a block of aged parmesan cheese had a baby. It makes the sandwich taste a bit more exotic than it actually is. When you get right down to it, though, this is a sandwich we've all had a thousand times, with the cheese simply switched out. It does make a difference, but it's still a $5 chicken sandwich. I gotta say though, next time I'm in the mood for a premium chicken sandwich, this will probably be my go-to pick. It also comes in a grilled and/or spicy version, which I unfortunately did not know until after I'd ordered mine, but I'm betting that would give this sandwich another nice kick in the pants.

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New Microsoft Xbox 360

Friday, August 06, 2010

I'm not sure I like Microsoft's decision against creating a unique console moniker for the sake of distinguishing between old and new machines. On the other hand, I'm overjoyed that the word "slim" is intentionally absent. "Xbox 360 Slim" just pisses off my tongue.

Reviewer
Ben
Categories
Games

Reviewed by Ben Cordes

New Microsoft Xbox 360

There's not a whole lot a console can do to refresh itself during the 7-year-long gap between major releases. Sony managed to renew its PS3 by transferring the console's guts into a sleeker and slightly less competent system, simultaneously slashing the price and increasing accessibility. Meanwhile, Nintendo seems to be solely focused on Wii software, and of course debuting a new Nintendo DS every few months. The addition of Wii MotionPlus a couple years back could be considered a hardware update, but by and large the big N appears to be content with the internals of its home console. Microsoft, on the other hand, trumped its competitors by introducing refined hardware alongside an epic interactivity refresh in the form of Kinect. It's a shame the two systems aren't bundled for the same $299 sweet spot, but the new Xbox 360 console itself is ten times the bang for the same buck.

The first thing you'll notice about the new Xbox 360 is its glossy black finish, as opposed to the predecessors' matte white/black look. Microsoft acknowledged that most Blu-ray and DVD players these days have a gloss black finish to match the market's similarly-styled HDTVs, so why continue to produce a console that stands out like an extra sore thumb? The new Xbox 360 tossed the bulky curves of the original machine in favor of a more angular, defined look. It's also about a quarter less tall than it used to be, and has those soft touch buttons PS3 owners were graced with, assuming they were lucky enough to pick up an original console. To say the new 360's buttons are "sensitive" is a massive understatement. Hypersensitive, maybe. Fingers barely need to make contact in order for the machine to register the action, and there's an oddly satisfying bleep that sounds off with every touch.

Microsoft's assertion that the system is "whisper quiet" had me forgetting the console's eye candy status altogether. Could it be possible that Microsoft successfully managed to quiet their wind tunnel of a gaming machine? Seriously, the original Xbox 360 was louder than my 10,000 BTU air conditioning unit, so whisper quiet seemed incredibly unlikely. After a week or so of playing 360 games, ripping those games to the hard drive, watching DVDs, and downloading a tenth of the marketplace, I can confirm Microsoft's claims. This machine is remarkably quiet, not just whisper. I turned all of my electronic appliances off as a final test and still had to force myself to pick up the minuscule fan noise. Good news - no more constant "WHRRRRRRR" distracting you from pwning n00bs.

While Microsoft was gracious enough to beef up the new Xbox 360 with a 250GB hard drive, it's a bit of a task to access, and remains proprietary. Why they couldn't have simply created a USB hardware interface for this drive isn't so much a mystery as an aggravating strategy. Microsoft has to protect their baby from pirates and the like, and a USB-compliant drive would make it that much easier to find an exploit and install Internet downloaded 360 games. However, we're talking about Microsoft, whose funds sort of settle on the unlimited side. You'd think they could hire a crack team to create such a USB drive, but again we're talking about Microsoft, so were that the case I'm sure I'd be bitching about some other superfluous system constraint. As long as I can plug and play the content on my own external USB hard drive, we're good.

Probably my personal favorite addition to the console is built-in Wi-Fi. Gone are the days of having to haphazardly route a fifty foot Ethernet cable through furniture, pets, and clumsy house guests. Gone, too, are the days of half-speed wireless, courtesy of the lame duck USB 2.0 adapter you spent a Benjamin on. Simply turn on the new Xbox 360 and you're ready to connect to any (but preferably your) wireless network. It's almost too good to be true, so to find out if it was, I tested the hell out of it. First, I played several multiplayer matches of Modern Warfare 2 and Halo 3 - no irregularities there whatsoever. Speeds were on par with what I experience using Ethernet. Next, I tried taxing my bandwidth by downloading and uploading data from my computer, and here there was a noticeable slowdown, but not enough to deter me from playing, and certainly nothing that wouldn't be experienced with an Ethernet connection. Finally, I tried downloading a full 360 game - Mirror's Edge - first over Ethernet and then again via Wi-Fi. Accounting for no network interference during both downloads, the times were about a minute in difference, both taking right around half an hour. For all intents and purposes, the Wi-Fi connection is as fast and reliable as Ethernet. Ultimately, any speed variation will come down to the robustness of your wireless router.

I haven't experienced, nor have I read of anyone experiencing the dreaded red ring of death. That's probably because Microsoft promises that their new Xbox 360 is red ring-proof, or at the very least they've solved the hardware side of the puzzle that was causing consoles to destroy themselves. Add to that massive fix the plethora of additions detailed above, 5 USB ports, optical audio support, a completely blacked out controller with matching wired headset, and Microsoft's already massive library of games. Altogether the new Xbox 360 is poised to carry on the great success of its older brother. It's smaller, sleeker, quieter, and injected with everything a current-gen console needs, short of perhaps a Blu-ray player. Can you imagine? That would've been perfect.

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Top Gear S15E06

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Ferrari and Jeff Goldblum. Need I say more? I suppose I ought to, for the sake of taking up space... Did I mention that this week's Top Gear episode features Ferrari and Jeff Goldblum? Yes? Well, it begs repeating, so there you go. See Kaitis for details!

Reviewer
Kaitis
Categories
TV Shows

Reviewed by Michael Kaitis

Top Gear S15E06

Now I'm not sure if doing something only twice can count as a tradition, but reviewing the series finale of Top Gear is something I'd love to count as one. In January I reviewed the series 14 finale, and now the beginning of August brings us the end of this series. Spanning only 6 episodes though, this series is the shortest in Top Gear history, which can be mainly attributed to the huge cost per episode. Destroying cars for shots that total less than a minute of screen time and traveling across Europe to film a 20 minute segment were the absolute opposites of cost efficiency. This series flew by much too quickly, but each episode was much more epic and grand in scale than the last, and therefore, much more memorable. This last episode was as exciting as any other in series 15, but unlike the rest it was also the most sincere.

Before they got to all of that they tried out one of the most exciting cars of the season, the successor to the Ferrari F430 - the 458. The car itself took a little while to grow on me, but I do think it's a much better looking car then the 430. On top of it's beauty, I don't think I've ever seen Jeremy so clearly impressed with any car he's driven. It absolutely destroys the 430 in every aspect, from a drag race to on the test track. In fact, it was only .1 seconds slower than a Ferrari Enzo which is a much more expensive car. After the segment Jeremy said the F430 was the "stupid man's Ferarri" and as much as I love that car, the 458 really embarrassed it.

The Star in a Reasonably Priced Car was one of the few people who could of done a proper job following Tom Cruise, The Fly himself: Jeff Goldblum. Which wouldn't have been too exciting of a segment, if not for the fact that he had no idea how to drive a manual car. At first they managed to find him an automatic version, until he broke that and had no other choice. And then, even after being tutored by the Stig, managed never to shift it out of 3rd gear once he was in it. Even though half of the lap was spent hitting the rev limiter, he still managed to post a time that wasn't last place.

The main segment was a usual Top Gear challenge; the presenters are given X amount of money and have to buy a car that fits under the specified category. The category in question was one that had tremendous meaning to all three of them: British Sports Cars. A Jensen-Healey, a Lotus and a TVR were chosen by Jeremy, Richard and James respectively. The unique aspect of this challenge mostly being is how much the actual challenge ended up taking a backseat. With the guys traveling to the now shut-down factories of their car manufacturers, it became more of a love letter to British motoring than a battle of who picked the best car. The segment is filled with a lot of melancholy, especially while revisiting what used to be glorious race car factories. It's not so much of a fun piece as it is one of reflection and remembrance. And even though Top Gear is at its finest in terms of pure entertainment, they proved once again why they put on the best motoring show on the planet.

Mass Effect 2 DLC: Overlord

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

So you want more Mass Effect 2, do you? Well, you've come to the wrong place, pally. Those who've successfully treated themselves to the additional gameplay content, or those wary of making the DLC purchase, you're right where you want to be. Or are you? (You are.)

Reviewer
Chris
Categories
Games

Reviewed by Chris Balan

Mass Effect 2 DLC: Overlord

In the latest release of DLC for Mass Effect 2, “Overlord” has Shepard battling a rogue Virtual Intelligence. Bioware has once again approached their downloadable content with a sharp eye to quality, including a new soundtrack, some great visuals, and not a single moment of gameplay that will leave players unimpressed. While Mass Effect 2 is known for it’s excellent combat scenarios, “Overlord” provides a much less combat-intense experience, focusing once again on vehicle exploration, and the delivery of dark science fiction elements that have helped make the Mass Effect universe distinct.

The plot of “Overlord” is somewhat of a science-fiction ghost story, and drastically picks up towards the end of the missions. I won’t spoil the details, but know that it’s a solid diversion to the main quest, and ties in nicely to the story arc. There are some very sharp visuals here as well; some of the best visuals to be seen in all of Mass Effect 2. Scenery changes are drastic and constant, and remain beautiful and awe-inspiring from beginning to end. Also, the depiction of the enemy Virtual Intelligence is absolutely stellar. One of the biggest highlights for me would have to be a sequence where Shepard is made to perceive the world in a digital state. Think of the visuals as if Mass Effect were to meet Tron. It’s mind blowing. As wonderful as all these elements are, there are still a few downsides to “Overlord”. Most notably being it’s short life span of about 2-3 hours. Also, in this span of time, there’s not much room for many RPG elements that are in the main story line. Though these are certainly cons, they are very minor when looking at the high production values and the loads of fun you’ll have while playing through the missions. There’s two achievements to be collected from “Overlord”. One for completing the DLC, and one for finding all 6 data packets on the planet of which the DLC takes place. Collecting the packets should take you all but 5 minutes. Nothing challenging here, but they are welcome.

If you’re looking to extend you experience with Mass Effect 2 a little bit longer, or have already beaten the game and are considering this DLC for the achievements or the experience of the game, I highly recommend buying this back. The time you spend playing it will have you completely encapsulated from beginning to end, and in no way will you feel short changed. This is some of the finest DLC I’ve ever purchased, and delivers even more high-quality material that we have come to expect from Bioware - highly recommended.

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Taco Bell Cantina Tacos

Friday, July 30, 2010

I gotta hand it to Taco Bell, at least they tried to do something new this time. The fact that they're not good, however, still falls squarely on Taco Bell. Check out my opinion of the Carnitas, Chicken, and Steak Cantina Tacos with pics after the break.

Reviewer
Brad
Categories
Food & Drink

Reviewed by Brad Cook

Taco Bell Cantina Tacos

Taco Bell has long been my favorite fast food joint. That super low grade meat gets me all hot and bothered in a good, heart-weakening kinda way. Lately, though, it seems their new items have been rather lacking. Either they recycle their old favorite ingredients into a new shape, or bring back an "old favorite." Taco Bell's newest product in a ever-growing line of substandard foodstuffs is their attempt at a more "authentic" taco, which they've dubbed Cantina Tacos.

So I pulled up to my local TB and ordered one of each. The total was $5.10 without a drink or anything. With "a whole new taco" awaiting me, I was interested in how these would turn out. The first thing I noticed was that they looked kinda small in the wrappers. Not the biggest deal, but they did seem shorter than a normal Taco Bell taco, as well as more expensive.

When I got home, I popped the wrappers open. My tacos were in complete disarray. I know this is less Taco Bell's fault than it is the employees, but it doesn't excuse why the corn tortillas looked like they had just encountered Jaws. I found a lime inside one of the wrappers, and on the outside of the other two. I don't know if that was a mistake or what, but regardless they all had a hint of lime, which I actually wasn't a fan of. Another thing I noticed is that the meat they use in all the ads for the tacos looks really high quality. I am 100% positive when I say that the steak and chicken in these tacos is nothing new or better quality, and is the same meat you'll get in quesadillas, gorditas, or anything else on their menu. The pulled pork, which as far as I know is new to Taco Bell, was practically a paste. The meat was sparse and absolutely covered in onions.

When I tried picking up these tacos, they all fell apart in my hands. Apparently corn tortillas aren't the strongest taco containers. Which is news to me, because taking a bite into these, it seemed like you could grind those corn tortillas up and make cement out of them. I swear to you I've never had a worse tortilla in my life. They're SO dry, grainy, bland, and tasteless that I bet I could use them to train my dog not to eat human food. The best part? Each taco is wrapped in TWO of them. I didn't even want one per taco! The only reason I can fathom for them using two of these is because they know they rip apart easily and wanted to include some semblance of backup support. There's not even cheese or a sauce in these tacos, so they're ultimately too dry to eat. At various points I wanted to just go get a fork and eat the meat alone. The only one of these I almost liked was the pulled pork "Carnitas" taco, although the lime and cilantro totally threw off the pulled pork taste, which was very, very weak.

Overall, I absolutely hated these. They actually made me mad. I didn't even finish one of them. I couldn't have hated these more if I was a Nazi and I watched a Jew, a Black dude, and a Jewish Black dude construct each taco respectively. I would actually rather do the Taco Bell Challenge in one sitting, five nights in a row than order these Cantina Tacos again. In fact, probably the only way Taco Bell could entice me into re-ordering these monstrosities is if each one had scratch off games on the side, or there was a guaranteed $100 bill in one of them if you ordered all three. And even then I wouldn't eat them, I'd just use them to gamble with. If these are "genuine" tacos, I'll stick with D-Grade dog food.

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Blazblue: Continuum Shift

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Blazblue: Continuum Shift is the sequel to a fighter called Blazblue: Calamity Trigger. I'd give it a shot, but continuum shifts aren't really my thing. Wait a second does that mean parallel dimensions? Maybe they are my kinda thing...

Reviewer
Forrest
Categories
Games

Reviewed by Forrest Boyd

Blazblue: Continuum Shift

First of all I'd like to state that I was a huge fan of Calamity Trigger. This game single-handedly revived my long-lost passion for fighting games. I don't know what it was, but I've logged at least 1,000 hours into both 360 and PS3 versions of that game in the year's time it's been out. If you haven't played it, chances are you're going to be a little lost in my comparisons... so to at least try to follow along, maybe check out my review for Blazblue: Calamity Trigger; if you've played it, don't worry.

My first destination was, of course, watching the intro. Subpar animation going on here, but I'm a big fan of Kotoko, so the song made up for it. From there it was Story. You begin by watching quite a bit of backstory (most of which you'll know if you've beaten the first game, but if you haven't, don't worry...all the important stuff is outlined). Then you're off to the main story menu. You'll only be able to play as one character at first, the main character Ragna. However, once you go through his story, more characters' story modes unlock, mostly the characters he encounters. Then you play through those characters to unlock more. Each story mode has 3 endings. The actual ending, an "alternate" non-canon ending, and a complete joke ending that will make even the most serious of characters face some ridiculous shenanigans (the ever-destructive Ragna's fear of ghosts is taken full advantage of for this effect in his, for example). Clearing all 14 stories followed by the True ending will take anywhere between 10-20 hours if you're actually reading all the dialogue. Much less if you just mash buttons to skip the dialogue. Much like with Kaepora Gaebora, without the accidental "No, I didn't get that, could you please repeat that for me" crap.

Score Attack is just what it was in Calamity Trigger. Face all the characters without prominent Unlimited forms, and then the ones with prominent Unlimited forms (Hakumen, Rachel, Hazama, Ragna), on the hardest difficulty setting programmed in the game. Be forewarned however that Unlimited forms have been upgraded since Calamity Trigger, and the hardest of these is the easiest back then: Hakumen. Chances are you will want to strangle someone upon reaching him, especially if you main someone like Tager (hey, guess who I main!)... but it's your only way to unlock a character's Unlimited form without buying them, so practice up! Arcade is... well, just that. 10 fights, with the last two being Unlimited characters, usually Hakumen and Hazama. Nothing's changed here.

For beginners to fighting games and Blazblue itself is the new Tutortial mode, narrated and instructed by none other than everyone's favorite Touhou-inspired vampire, Rachel Alucard. Staying in-character, she will make sure you feel inferior for using it, but the reward for surviving it is actually learning how to play the game. Once you hit that up, take on Challenge mode, which is a mode even those of us that are already quite skilled at the game can enjoy. Typical of its name and use in recent fighting games (most notably Super Street Fighter IV), Challenge mode has a series of character-specific challenges for you to learn, understand, and execute. Initial challenges often include special attacks, Distortion Drives and Astral Heats, go over a few simple combos and then go immediately into more complex combo moves. Given practice and a lot of patience, you'll be up to speed in no time. Of course, if you still want to be a loser about it, you have Beginner mode, a control scheme that allows you to kinda BS it all, though it won't allow you to do any effective combos with it.

Legion mode is taken straight from Blazblue Portable, a rather simple "map domination" mode that requires both some strategy and a good know-how of the game. Starting with a character of your choice you will encounter many multi-man matches and, after each fight, you will be able to draft one of your fallen opponents into your army. Keep in mind, however, all damage you take cannot be cured, unless of course said character is Ragna, or you obtain a Health Potion item on the map, which fully cures 2 random members of your party; the locations of this item can be determined by the word "bonus" being shown on the bottom right. This is also your only chance to get some playtime with the Unlimited characters if you don't want to buy them, or take on Score Attack with everybody; in some cases even early on the map you will fight teams with Unlimited characters on them. Just like regular characters you may choose to draft them in after defeating them, and they will retain Unlimited status.

Now, onto the new characters. First of which, Tsubaki Yayoi. She hits lightly but has unrivaled combo potential, easily stringing her special moves one after another. Again, however, her damage output is ridiculously low. This is balanced out by her Drive function, which allows the button to be pressed in order to begin charging up energy by reading a magical tome; this fills a bar at the bottom that allows her to use powered-up versions of her moves, as well as makes her Distortions that much more powerful. Hazama is the next new character, something of a Smooth Criminal inspired character with horrible mobility in regular movement, but can zip across the screen with ease with his Ouroboro snakes, his Drive function. For the Guilty Gear fans his moveset can be considered a mix of Axl Low and Slayer, if that wasn't apparent enough by his appearance. Then of course, there's a console-exclusive character named Mu-12. Unlocked by fully completing Story mode, Mu is something of a counterpart to Dizzy from Guilty Gear. Though she's similar to both Nu and Lambda in appearance, she relies of close and mid range attacks, and her Drive function sends out laser-shooting turrets that can be manipulated through special moves and one of her Distortions.

All existing characters from Calamity Trigger got quite a few changes to them, too! Some moves were altered and new moves were added. For example, Ragna obtained the new Belial Edge, an aerial sword dive attack. His input for the downwards kick following Inferno Divider has also changed, instead of quarter circle back C it ends in D, and has even become a health-draining move. Many of these changes are for balance issues (go ahead, just play Rachel... from top-tier to bottom-tier, even casual players will feel the difference), but new moves are always welcome. Even Rachel got a new Distortion, even if it is kind of... well, you know. Also, Unlimited forms are now actually, well, unlimited! Unlike Calamity Trigger's hastily added Unlimited forms, Continuum Shift's actually bring about the same feeling of being screwed that Unlimited Ragna brought along in Calamity Trigger, without the death metal theme songs of course. Even if that was the main thing that caused that feeling, but whatever.

Also, a fighting game first. Actual post-development character DLC! We're not talking "oh fine here have Vader/Yoda in your 360/PS3". No, as in they're still working on it. First character to be up for download will be Makoto Nanaya, a squirrel girl who plays her own role in the story mode, scheduled for download this week or next sometime, in August. Also Valkenhayn Hellsing, Rachel's most humble butler, who apparently is a werewolf (cue Twilight references), along with fellow Six Heroes counterpart Platinum the Trinity will be arriving as DLC in coming time, along with the good old alternate color DLC and unlock codes for those too lazy to play the game (or that just can't beat Score Attack). After it's all said and done expect it to be around $30 worth of content, and before you start complaining this $40 game has more stuff in it than its $60 predecessor, and it's not required purchase to enjoy the game thoroughly. Though I mean hey new characters, hell yeah. Go Team Valkenhayn!

Anyway, this game is amazing, and a worthy successor to a game that slapped me in the face and made me start obsessing over fighting games like I did when I was a younger lad. I dare say it's generally better, that with a much stronger sense of balance and there were only changes and additions, and nothing was really taken out. It's very accessible for newbie and pro alike, and these days? That's a good thing. As a side note, if you want a sparring partner and you get it on PS3, feel free to add me on PSN. Name's kaosuroi. Same name with 360 and XBL, but I won't have CS on it for a few weeks.

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