Burger King Double Crispy Cheesyburger

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Burger King Double Crispy Cheesyburger

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Now here's a burger you might've been able to enjoy, if only it had some semblance of flavor. Bender's vial of ordinary water laced with happy times would certainly knock it up a notch, but so would making good on the promise of cheese. Um, where is it?

Reviewer
Ben
Categories
Food & Drink

Reviewed by Ben Cordes

Burger King Crispy Double Cheesyburger

An excerpt from our own Bradley's first textual outing, titled Cook Book, tells us that "...not only must we keep our wits about us when at the kitchen's helm; our senses must be keen as well. Take due diligence to detect any of the three S's: salty, sweet, and spicy." Following his worldly advice, my mouth was on high alert for any indication of type S flavors during my devouring of the Burger King Crispy Double Cheesyburger. I'm sad to report that although the Crispy Double proved a partially delicious and salvageable sandwich, no such flavors were detected in the flame broiled burger's vicinity.

When you're at BK, you got it. I was at BK the other day, and I got it. After eating it, I calculated a few methods of tapping in to its potential. First and foremost, however, I'll admit that for a buck, the Crispy Double packs enough bang to conquer an empty stomach, at least momentarily. The Cheesyburger isn't lacking quantity, but quality (and truthiness). The flame broiled goodness of your everyday Burger King buy would be complimented nicely by some zest or tang - anything to punch it out of flavor purgatory and into a more extreme direction. The sorrowful little pile of "toppings" is comprised of two ingredients: french fried onions and a sauce BK deems cheesy. Erroneous!

There's nothing cheesy about the Crispy Double until I get home and put cheese on it. Creamy, at best, would be a more appropriate description, although I can easily see why marketing might have problems pushing a Creamyburger. Regardless, I see the word cheese in relation to a burger and think "one slice". Up until yesterday, when I saw the word cheesy in burger territory I didn't know what to expect. As I sit here post-meal, the word Cheesyburger raises nothing but suspicions and my left eyebrow. I suppose a burger called "cheesy" ought to have some sort of cheese sauce, right? Right. Well, Burger King got it wrong. Those in the mood for a dry mess of patties and what I've just now decided to call goo crunch (see underside of top bun for proper understanding) won't be disappointed. The rest may end up sticking with the Rodeo for their flavor fill.

In addition to slapping a dime-sized dollop on top, stick that saucy concoction in between patties and then we'll talk. Or better yet, throw a slice of cheese in there to break even with your purported advertisements. I can't imagine the King could go wrong in spicing things up with BK's own hot sauce, either. You could tell me you rearranged the patties and wrapped the thing upside down and my stomach would find it more soulful than it is now. It may be around for a limited time only, but that doesn't make it cool or even half awesome to limit its probability for survival in this man-eat-burger world we live in today. Final advice? Buy it, take it home, and make it good (following instructions found inside Cook Book).

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